Would you let your 9 year old go on the subway by himself? The other night I went to hear Lenore Skenazy, who is known for 35 Google pages as the “world’s worst mom” for letting her son do just that, and from Bloomingdales in downtown Manhattan, no less (a tad on the early side is my feeling).
Lenore spoke about how there are too many helicopter parents and how parents drive their kids to the bottom of the driveway so they don’t get cold waiting for the bus (in the US).
She told how one woman vehemently disagreed with her friend for asking a Mom with two children to watch her baby in the Costco checkout line for a minute. She role played a busy mom deciding that this was the day to easily acquire another baby, and then explaining to her children why she was indeed leaving Costco with a stranger’s baby instead of the Goldfish and diapers etc. they had spent an hour trying to find.
Her point was that predators are actually very rare but because of high profile cases, the media, and parenting experts, parents are much more afraid, anxious and cautious than ever before. When it was my turn to ask a question, I explained that parent educators actually try to make things easier for parents, especially in helping children develop independence and responsibility.
The talk encouraged many comments and questions on both sides of the fence.
How much independence and responsibility should your children have? When are they ready to go out and about on their own? Some tips:
1. There are no hard and fast rules as to what children should be doing at certain ages. The developmental stage and personal judgment of each child should be taken into account. Discussion with other parents, discussion with your child and your own gut feeling are all important.
2. Don’t have your child blindly jump off the deep end, so to speak. Practice crossing the street with him, have her show you where to go on the subway, see if he comes home when he said he would for a first outing before agreeing to another solo adventure.
3. While abductions by strangers are indeed exceedingly rare, other concerns are valid. Children can get lost, their stuff can be stolen, they can feel threatened or bullied. Role play different scenarios with your child, asking them what they would do in certain situations. Who would they ask for help? What would they do if approached by a stranger? Can they pay attention to their possessions and surroundings?
4. I think this one is best of all – have them take first time challenging steps with a buddy!
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