tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-73070453645469738762024-03-12T23:42:53.154-04:00Parenting NetworkParenting Network guides you towards more harmony in your home and healthier relationships. We provide you with the life skills necessary to raise caring, cooperative and responsible children. Our parenting courses are invigorating and fun, making learning a whole lot easier. Parents love the results – improved family life, increased confidence in their parenting, and the chance to bring out the best in their children.Parenting Network. Toronto, Canadahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05296564486831358448noreply@blogger.comBlogger117125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7307045364546973876.post-27364495007223333282018-05-11T10:01:00.001-04:002018-05-11T10:01:51.146-04:00
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #002060; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">Summer
Skills Ideas for Kids</span></b></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="color: #002060; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">In addition to summer school, camp, jobs and sports activities,
summer is a great time to help kids brush up on skills they may not have enough
time for during the school year.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="color: #002060; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">Meal preparation and basic cooking skills are a couple of areas
many parents let fall by the wayside during the winter months of homework, sports
and extracurriculars. As three meals a day for the rest of our children’s lives
is a given, however, we would be well-advised to spend some time on these
eminently practical life skills. To successfully involve our kids in meal
planning, shopping, cooking and cleanup, parents can never start early enough.
(If we wait for our 16 year old to show an interest, chances are we have missed
the boat and have to start from scratch.)</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="color: #002060; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">Cooking is one area where the
dreaded social media can actually come in handy. Getting recipes online,
posting photos of culinary successes and failures and sharing tips are
constructive uses of the internet. Some books and sites tout recipes with 5
ingredients, (not including S & P & EEVO), which are ideal for kids in
today’s fast-paced world.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="color: #002060; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">Negotiate some kind of deal
where, in exchange for so many meals properly planned and cooked, take out or
pizza is the weekend celebration. Weekly food budget considerations should also
come into the discussion.</span><span style="color: #002060; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="color: #002060; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">This leads us to another life
skill to work on in the summer months – finance. Many kids graduate without
knowing anything about their credit rating or how to build it, the power of
compound interest or how much of their eventual paycheck their cell phone bill
will actually take.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span><span style="color: #002060; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="color: #002060; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">Get kids a bank account and
consider giving them an allowance. Whatever it is, start <i>small</i>. You can
always give more later. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="color: #002060; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">We don’t recommend tying
allowance to chores - kids contribute to the family and share in the resources.
Getting them to do their jobs involves a discussion, a timetable and a commitment.
One exception could be to pay your kids to do jobs they don’t usually do during
the school year, whether it is cleaning, yard work or other housekeeping
chores.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="color: #002060; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">If there is something they
really want to buy, show them the value of saving, the joy of delayed
gratification and working hard for something they really want. Giftingsense.com
can help kids learn about making good buying decisions.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="color: #002060; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">Many financial experts recommend
dividing kids’ money into categories such as: charitable, educational, clothing,
savings, discretionary, etc. Most banks have helpful apps to get your family
started. </span><span style="color: #002060; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="color: #002060; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">For older kids, consider giving
them virtual money to invest and introduce them to the stock market. Get them
involved in planning the family vacation and getting the best deals for your </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="color: #002060; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">trip. To motivate them, let them
spend say, 50% of what they save on an activity you otherwise would have nixed.</span></div>
<br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="color: #002060; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">Of all the things we do for our
kids and make sure they learn, managing food and money seem so obvious that we
often assume our kids just know – taking the time to ensure that they do is a
great investment in their future.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></div>
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike>Doone Esteyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15986253790822986058noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7307045364546973876.post-38617942075943224872017-03-22T14:13:00.001-04:002017-03-22T14:13:23.436-04:00"There's no hitting in this house!"<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span lang="EN-CA" style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">Who instigates most of the sibling fights in your
house? Is the youngest looking for some
attention from an older sibling? Or, the
oldest taking out some frustrations on the younger one? Is the middle one always spoiling things for
the others?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span lang="EN-CA" style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span lang="EN-CA" style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">When we think we know who started
it,</span></b><span lang="EN-CA" style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"> the
temptation is to referee and assign blame.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-CA" style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"> “Jimmy, if you can’t settle down like the
others, there will be no story for you!” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-CA" style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"> “Jane, you’re older. Let your little sister
have the toy!”
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-CA" style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"> “There’s water all over the bathroom floor!
Which one of you did this?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-CA" style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span lang="EN-CA" style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">Here is the second in our series of
Key Principles to create the close, cooperative relationships we so dearly want
between our children. <o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span lang="EN-CA" style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"><br /></span></b></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlVs_eL6Q0GWF8ZAe6rDQN_y46Bs664TfvzzUVnHsp1VwsNPum9AA0fBdsPKVDuaXdX2bLdR2NeUfo5nhbHZKG2pot4FevM81z_ZqnHrQEa0cuvcf__JBZxMpcGlh6WwWvsMsVhgYz4SmI/s1600/ages-stagesschool-age-children-development-parenting-tipssibling_rivalry.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="270" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlVs_eL6Q0GWF8ZAe6rDQN_y46Bs664TfvzzUVnHsp1VwsNPum9AA0fBdsPKVDuaXdX2bLdR2NeUfo5nhbHZKG2pot4FevM81z_ZqnHrQEa0cuvcf__JBZxMpcGlh6WwWvsMsVhgYz4SmI/s320/ages-stagesschool-age-children-development-parenting-tipssibling_rivalry.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span lang="EN-CA" style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"><br /></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span lang="EN-CA" style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">Principle #2: </span></b><span lang="EN-CA" style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"> “Put them in the same boat.” Or, another way
of looking at it, STOP taking sides! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-CA" style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-CA" style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">Taking
sides encourages kids to point the finger with the hope of swaying a parent. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-CA" style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-CA" style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">We
also run the risk of placing a child in a role, giving them a label: the
aggressor, the victim, or the responsible one. The problem is that a label can
stick, and our child may live up to our expectations of them. (By the way,
there is no good label. Labels restrict a child. Anyone who grew up having to
be the responsible one will attest!)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-CA" style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span lang="EN-CA" style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">Putting them in the same boat</span></b><span lang="EN-CA" style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"> encourages an attitude
of <i>we are in this together</i> and
underlines the idea that bystanders are responsible too. When it comes to
conflict between children, it’s more important to find a solution than it is to
find out <i>who done it</i>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-CA" style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span lang="EN-CA" style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">Shift your focus from one of blame
to one of solutions.</span></b><span lang="EN-CA" style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-CA" style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">It
will sound more like this…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-CA" style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"> “I’m willing to read stories when all is
quiet.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-CA" style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"> “Girls if you’re having trouble sharing the
toys, why don’t you play separately for awhile.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-CA" style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"> “Boys, there’s water all over the bathroom
floor.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-CA" style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-CA" style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">And
if they try to blame:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<span lang="EN-CA" style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">“Ben did all of the splashing, not me.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<span lang="EN-CA" style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">“Did not!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-CA" style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">You
can say, “It’s not important to me who did it. What’s important right now is
what are you boys going to do about it?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-CA" style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-CA" style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">Here’s
to more harmonious days ahead!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-CA" style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-CA" style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">Beverley
& Doone<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span lang="EN-CA" style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">P.S. Missed Principal #1?</span></b><span lang="EN-CA" style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"> Click here -> <a href="http://parentingnetworkca.blogspot.ca/2017/02/i-hate-my-brother.html">“I
hate my brother!”</a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10607777132735241091noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7307045364546973876.post-4261799112845533502017-02-22T22:42:00.000-05:002017-10-30T16:41:27.897-04:00"I hate my brother!" <div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">Want your kids to stop fighting? Wish they
acted more kindly towards one another? Maybe you even dream about them being
best friends when they grow up? Well, if what you’re doing now isn’t working –
it’s time for a change.<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="background: white;">While
sibling rivalry is very common in families, much of it can be avoided. One big
contributor to the problem is something most parents do, too often - deny their
children’s feelings.<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="background: white;"><b>We think
we’re being helpful when we say things like:</b></span></span></span><br />
<ul><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgadfN8sqjDtZoxC2RHVTJhJrsvezlnNoNjez0BUOkYnIp-_skwpj_XdvKYhnR9Sx9o6G4iyY0gCkW8CsiMd1tZpedcCTQOIdsr1LB_rSRJBBKcHOCbLi8ITFhWiWx4UViWa52XR3867N1N/s1600/Child-being-told-off-by-p-007.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="120" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgadfN8sqjDtZoxC2RHVTJhJrsvezlnNoNjez0BUOkYnIp-_skwpj_XdvKYhnR9Sx9o6G4iyY0gCkW8CsiMd1tZpedcCTQOIdsr1LB_rSRJBBKcHOCbLi8ITFhWiWx4UViWa52XR3867N1N/s200/Child-being-told-off-by-p-007.jpg" width="200" /></span></a></ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“Don’t
say you hate Mike, he’s your brother - you love him.”</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“We don’t
use that word in this house. It’s not nice.”</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“That’s
no way to talk to Lauren! You’re lucky you have a sister.”</span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background: white;"><b>There are</b><span class="apple-converted-space"> <b>2</b></span><strong> Key Principles</strong><span class="apple-converted-space"> to
creating the close, cooperative relationships we so dearly want between our
children.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><strong><span style="background: white;">Principle #1:</span></strong><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background: white;"> </span><span style="background: white;">Stop denying a child’s feelings. Instead, acknowledge
their feelings, empathize and explore alternative actions.</span></span></span></span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“I
understand that you’re upset that Mike knocked down your blocks. Instead of
hitting, how could you let him know this?”</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“You must
be pretty upset to talk about your brother like that. Do you want to tell me about it?”</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“I see
you’re mad that your sister got your shirt dirty – let’s see how she can help
fix this.”</span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="background: white;">Remember that all feelings are okay – just not all
actions!</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="background: white;"><br /></span></b></span>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"></span></div>
<span style="background: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>While our
intentions may be good.</b>.. expecting a child to show warm, fuzzy feelings when
they’re not feeling that way can lead to resentment and further retaliations.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"></span></div>
<span style="background: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Validating
your child’s feelings lets them know they are understood, accepted, and
unconditionally loved. This can have a calming effect, and make them more ready
to listen. Exploring alternative actions gives them a tool they can use for the
next time. <em>(More on
this in our next posting!)</em></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">
<span style="background: white;">To get a
handle on this, and other family challenges, join one of our popular <a href="http://www.parentingnetwork.ca/courses.php">Parenting Courses</a>. Learn
strategies and tools for all of those parenting moments. Your money back if it
doesn’t change your life!</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="background: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="background: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">All the best,</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="background: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Beverley & Doone</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="background: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="background: white;">P.S. </span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><b>Watch for Principle #2</b> in our next posting –</span><b style="color: #222222;"><i> just in time to get you prepped for March Break!</i></b></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10607777132735241091noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7307045364546973876.post-21235041713543915092017-01-09T18:16:00.000-05:002017-01-09T18:16:06.235-05:00When nothing but a Consequence will do<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Okay, you've done your best to problem-solve an issue with your child and the</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> agreed upon </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">solutions are still not being respected. It may be time for what is commonly called a consequence. We call
it the Logical Next Step.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">The “3R Rule” for a
Logical Next Step<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Whenever
we feel the need to follow through on a behavior with a Logical Next Step it
needs to pass this litmus test: The 3R Rule –Reasonable, Respectful, and
Related.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">1. Be Reasonable<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Going
home when a child is acting up in a restaurant is a reasonable solution.
Telling the child they won’t ever come to a restaurant with you again would be
unreasonable.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">2. Be Respectful<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Your
tone should show respect for your child. Instead of, “I am fed up. You are going
home right now!” you can say, “This isn’t working today, so we need to leave.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHlJpxNJcgHQ8unHyRliAuAnZ5ovwgKyT84lI5_Fuy9jLCUticVYN6_PjeIaVvxJqS4ZLzYPqOYwI4nbEI7FmSGX2rla_9CW3YSRzVGPBK0nLLs7_WkHsItcyj-UbPC5JT_wYpAR4p16kt/s1600/Child-being-told-off-by-p-007.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="192" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHlJpxNJcgHQ8unHyRliAuAnZ5ovwgKyT84lI5_Fuy9jLCUticVYN6_PjeIaVvxJqS4ZLzYPqOYwI4nbEI7FmSGX2rla_9CW3YSRzVGPBK0nLLs7_WkHsItcyj-UbPC5JT_wYpAR4p16kt/s320/Child-being-told-off-by-p-007.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Dreikurs,
a renowned psychologist, put it this way: If Logical Consequences are used as a
threat or imposed in anger, they cease being consequences and become
punishments. Children are quick to discern the difference. They respond
positively to Logical Consequences; they fight back when punished.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">3. Relate the Step
to the Behavior<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">A
Logical Next Step must be related to the behavior. Leaving the restaurant
passed this test. If you say to one child, “If you hit your sister, you won’t
have dessert,” it doesn’t follow. If your child talks back at the dinner table
and you say, “No TV tonight,” it won’t make sense. He’ll only resent you for it
and feel the need to retaliate.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">When
used properly, a Logical Next Step is a very effective way to respond to a
child’s negative behavior. Children do recognize when they are given chances
and when they choose to disregard our efforts, they do see the fairness and
they will come around. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><i><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">More examples with solutions…<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: -.15pt;">Situation:
</span></b><b><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Curfew</span></b><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> - <span style="letter-spacing: -.15pt;">You
and your 14 year old have problem-solved about their being late for curfew and
they’re still not respecting a mutually agreed upon time <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: -.15pt;">Logical
Next Step:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; letter-spacing: -.15pt;"> They take a break from going out the following weekend.
That doesn’t mean they can’t have a friend over – it just means until they are
ready to respect the time agreed to they’ll stay in. This is 100% related to
the problem. Your tone of voice and choice of words will determine if you
implemented the decision in a respectful manner. </span><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Situation: Table
manners</span></b><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">
or difficult behaviour at mealtime<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Logical Next Step:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> If your child is
over the age of 4 years he is fully aware of the behavior you feel is
appropriate at the table, so a lecture is a waste of energy. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Recognizing
that you only control yourself and that you also wish to model respectful
approaches when it comes to dealing with a conflict, then you could: with a
calm and caring voice, ask the child if there is something bothering them, or would
they like to take a break from the table? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">If
they refuse the peace offering and continue to act up, you go to Plan B. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Plan B - Take
action.</span></b><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">
You pick up your plate and say <i>“This
isn’t working for me tonight; I think I’ll finish my meal in the other room.” </i> If your child says <i>“I’ll stop. Please stay.”</i> you can thank them for their cooperation
and settle back down. But be prepared for it to ramp up again and this time
leave calmly for good, saying <i>“We can try
again tomorrow night.”</i> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Some
kids will get worse when a parent takes control of themselves – this is a good
sign. Honest! They are struggling to get you back in the ring where they have
more power. Resist the urge and stay the course. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">You
leaving the table feels completely counter-intuitive I know, but it WORKS!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">The message you want
to send is</span></b><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">
“I care about you and I care about me. I can’t make you stop but I can determine
how I wish to spend my time.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Parents
that follow through generally find that it only takes 2 or 3 tries and their
child gets the message. Our children truly do want to be close to us and that works
in our favor! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">P.S. If children
are badgered over manners or homework plans</span></b><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">, every dinner, they may be thrilled
to see the back of us! So it is important to invest in making meal time a
pleasure.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Next month we’ll be
sharing thoughts on Setting Limits!<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">All
the best,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Beverley
& Doone<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">P.S.</span></b><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> If you missed our Tips
for Problem-solving go <a href="http://parentingnetworkca.blogspot.ca/2016/11/discipline-that-teaches-without-hurt.html">here</a>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10607777132735241091noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7307045364546973876.post-20365301531107671962016-11-11T10:45:00.001-05:002016-11-11T10:45:22.228-05:00Discipline That Teaches without The Hurt<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-top: 9.0pt; mso-outline-level: 3;">
<i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Research shows that physical punishment of a child can actually
change the brain’s neural pathways, setting him or her up to use similar force
as a parent later in life. Ending the cycle of violence isn’t easy but it
can be done.” Globe and Mail, September 19, 2014</span></i></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Parents often ask us, “If I adopt a collaborative approach to
parenting, how do I discipline my child when things aren’t working?” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">When they say the word discipline, they
usually mean some form of punishment, or at least a consequence. There’s a
lingering myth that a child needs to suffer to learn. That’s not what we
believe. When things go off the rails, which they inevitably will, we want to
provide a chance for our children <i>to take responsibility for it, make
amends, and learn from it.</i> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Effective Discipline Tools</span></b><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Alternatives
to punishment is such a vital focus for parents that we decided to dedicate our
next few newsletters to guiding parents on how to incorporate discipline in a
positive and encouraging way into their family life.</span> <span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
<br />
<b>Messing up is normal in any family.</b> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmCF7ffXw8DdqVLYjHatRKBdeLRiyO0aEcxnqTDZELG1hzoEWP5XpWW_G0J1lU4aJdNfC0MRtzisvwa3x1-xMq7cgDLISUBSe3vgAmfuCvoPDJOY1oFvc0IpUA8NTZs2XgdGAK0c3sb9Dc/s1600/powerstrugglesmp3art.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmCF7ffXw8DdqVLYjHatRKBdeLRiyO0aEcxnqTDZELG1hzoEWP5XpWW_G0J1lU4aJdNfC0MRtzisvwa3x1-xMq7cgDLISUBSe3vgAmfuCvoPDJOY1oFvc0IpUA8NTZs2XgdGAK0c3sb9Dc/s200/powerstrugglesmp3art.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Kids draw on the wall, they break a vase when they’re jumping
off the sofa, or they might even sneak money to buy candy at the store. It
might be a simple mistake, something they didn’t think through in advance. Or
it might be intentional, repeated behavior. If it is, you can be pretty sure
that something is driving this behavior and the most helpful thing we can do is
figure out what that is. Then we can look for a solution <i>with</i> our child.<br />
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Valuable Resource</span></b><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">When things go wrong, we can depend on an incredibly valuable
resource – our own child’s natural creativity and ability to solve problems.
Kids are our greatest resource. Figure them out, and they can move from
resistance to cooperation. They have lots of ideas, they’re creative, and they
respond to better to problem-solving than blame and punishment.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">One of our parents came to class one day in a despondent mood.
She’d been yelling at her kids all week, and she was tired and frustrated. What
had happened? Her 6-year-old had taken her mascara and scrawled all over the
wall in the staircase, the wall in plain view of anyone sitting in the living
room. She was so furious she felt like giving the child her red lipstick to
finish off the job!</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">What was she to do? Most of us would get pretty mad at a time like
this, so it might be useful to reframe the scene. Instead of seeing it as
behavior that needs to be punished, you might think of it as a problem that
needs to be resolved. In this case, you need your child’s cooperation to
address the problem.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Problem-Solving Approach</span></b><b><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Here’s a step-by-step problem-solving approach that can serve as a
useful guide at a time like this. These steps can be adapted to just about any
situation!</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">1. Take a Time out – for Yourself</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">When you first see the mascara, take a deep breath. And another.
Go in another room for a minute if you have to. It is best not to yell. What
you are doing here is showing how an adult takes a self-respectful time out to
manage her emotions. A yelling adult is role modeling an out-of-control adult.
We’re not saying we’ll never lose our patience and show our anger over a
behavior; after all, we are human. But it is better to focus on what motivated
your child to do this and how the clean-up is going to be handled. Pointing out
the child’s carelessness or deliberateness or how ‘bad’ they are will create
distance and not solve the problem.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">2. Approach Your Child When You Are Calm</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">When you’re both calm, approach your child to start dealing with
the problem. Problems can’t be solved respectfully when we are stuck in ‘fight
or flight’ mode.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">3. Put Yourself in Your Child’s Shoes<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“You must have
been pretty upset about something to mark up our walls like this. Do you want
to tell me about it?” The goal here is to give your child a chance to share
what was going on for her. Find out what motivated the behavior. If you have an
inkling what it could be, you can make a guess, “I’ve been pretty busy all day
getting ready for our dinner party tonight. Could it be you’ve been feeling
ignored? Maybe a bit hurt?” Don’t rush through this step because it’s where you
win cooperation. Your child may even surprise you with a reason you never would
have thought of. If the child feels you truly understand and care about her
point of view, she’ll participate in the rest of the problem-solving exercise
without fear or resistance. Before moving on, finish with this question: “Is
there anything else you’d like to share with me?” Often children will delve
into other issues that have been weighing heavy on their minds when they have a
warm parent willing to listen. It can be a real goldmine.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">4. Express Your Feelings</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Keep this step brief. Say your bit in ten words or less. Otherwise
you risk losing that cooperation you have just achieved. “I care about you and
I care about our house.” Don’t go into a rant - they’ve likely heard it before.
Your child knows right from wrong by age five so there’s no need to lecture
either. If your child is under five, use this situation as a teaching moment and
calmly state, “This isn’t a respectful way to treat our home. We draw on paper
not on our walls.”</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">5. Collaborate on a Solution</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVGuLge_jM2a90E6QWf9-2-SJ7xWUFH-Q63bzv0KL9isdezX_8BY-kCTWnj2KKUkGQon0LLv1EhRZpfZXcTKHZtacsMi3eLX93BU_BPK3Bc7HMUlfWFTKJ_K7psv43i63NHLX5pxH2iV6x/s1600/iStock_000018422757Small+father+and+daughter+turned+away.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVGuLge_jM2a90E6QWf9-2-SJ7xWUFH-Q63bzv0KL9isdezX_8BY-kCTWnj2KKUkGQon0LLv1EhRZpfZXcTKHZtacsMi3eLX93BU_BPK3Bc7HMUlfWFTKJ_K7psv43i63NHLX5pxH2iV6x/s200/iStock_000018422757Small+father+and+daughter+turned+away.jpg" width="133" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">So what can we do about this mess? This is when children learn the
power of brainstorming for ideas and that two heads are often better than one.
Ideas aren’t evaluated until the end. The key is to let your child share her
ideas first. Since this is a pretty straightforward problem, there are only a
couple of likely solutions. The child may offer to clean it up, or ask us to
help her clean up. She can even offer to replace mom’s mascara from her savings
or allowance. (Another good reason to give our children allowance) After her
ideas run out, it’s your turn. Some children have difficulty coming up with solutions
initially, but the more practice they get with this process the better their
participation. With a younger child you may give them a couple of solutions to
consider.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> Then, together
with your child, choose the option you think will work best and implement it. Other
issues, such as a new bedtime routine, may take a few days to solve. If so, you
can say, “I think we have a great solution here, but let’s try it out for a few
days and see if it’s working. If not we can always go back to the drawing board
and fix it.” And if that is the case, it’s a good idea to follow the problem
solving steps again.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">The Younger Child<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">If you have a young child, or a simple situation, you might
collapse these into one or two steps. A 3-year-old child dumps his blueberry
yogurt onto the kitchen floor on purpose.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> We can say: “We’ve got a real mess here. What do we need to
do now? Can you grab the sponge and we’ll do it together?” Afterward ask, “What
can you do next time you don’t want your food?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Last Resort<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">When a child continues to disregard solutions or decisions
agreed upon, then it’s time for follow through. But instead of dishing out a
consequence we’d like you to consider what we call taking the Logical Next
Step. More on this and other ways to follow through in our next newsletter!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Until then, keep well!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 18.48px; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Beverley & Doone </span></div>
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<o:p><strong><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Other Resources:</span></strong></o:p></div>
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<ul style="line-height: 1.4; margin: 0.5em 0px; padding: 0px 2.5em;">
<li style="margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;"><o:p><span style="color: #888888; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-decoration: none;"><a href="http://parentingnetwork.ca/courses.php" style="color: #888888; text-decoration: none;">Parenting Courses</a></span></o:p></li>
<li style="margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>From our Audio Parenting Series: </strong><a href="http://parentingnetwork.ca/product_desc.php?id=2200" style="color: #888888; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: #0b5394;">Setting Limits - Clear and sensible approaches to discipline</span></a><span style="color: #0b5394;"> </span>Packed with over 60 minutes of parenting tools and peace of mind. In either CD or Download format.</span></li>
</ul>
</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10607777132735241091noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7307045364546973876.post-53995992031955821722016-05-07T14:51:00.000-04:002016-05-07T14:51:39.884-04:00I Need a Hug<div align="center" style="background: white; line-height: 15.75pt; text-align: center;">
<span class="pageheaders"><b><span style="color: #779e1b; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 15.0pt;">I Need A Hug</span></b></span><span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt;"><br />
</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSll5RMoZU6U3sGwpH_7XaKX77uWFiSkfP6D2RGjvKkiJdz4aWaw_iKGzQqgpOxYb4kINcgtUo0T872XS6-7Ej4YIJ4uISq2iOsHbPydrvaOnIbLECoIAEKiw7RAbDpLZhn6zQ7q0hJV5e/s1600/momhuggingchild.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSll5RMoZU6U3sGwpH_7XaKX77uWFiSkfP6D2RGjvKkiJdz4aWaw_iKGzQqgpOxYb4kINcgtUo0T872XS6-7Ej4YIJ4uISq2iOsHbPydrvaOnIbLECoIAEKiw7RAbDpLZhn6zQ7q0hJV5e/s320/momhuggingchild.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
by Dr. Jane Nelsen<o:p></o:p><br />
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<br /></div>
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</w:wrap></v:imagedata></v:shape><span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt;">I was watching some videos by Bob Bradbury the other day. They
are very informative and inspiring. Bob tells a story about a father who tried
the "I need a hug" suggestion. His small son was having a temper
tantrum. The father got down on one knee and shouted, "I need a hug."
His son asked through his sobs, "What?" The father shouted again,
"I need a hug." His son asked incredulously, "Now?!?" The
father said, "Yes, now." The son said, "Okay," and
begrudgingly and stiffly gave his father a hug. Soon the stiffness disappeared
and they melted into each others arms. After a few moments the father said,
"Thanks, I needed that." His son said, with a small tremor on his
lips, "So did I."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15.75pt;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15.75pt;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt;">Sometimes hugs don't
work because the child is too upset to give or receive a hug. Adults can still
try. If the child is unwilling, the adult can say, "We need some cooling
off time, and I sure would like a hug whenever you are ready." Some people
ask, "After the hug, then what? What about the misbehavior?" Hugs can
create an atmosphere where children are willing and able to learn. This may be
the time to take time for training, ask what, why and how questions, give a
limited choice, use distraction, engage in joint problem-solving -- or to do
nothing and see what happens next. Most of the time adults can help children
stop misbehaving when they stop dealing with the "misbehavior" and
deal with the underlying cause. Children DO better when they FEEL better.
Encouragement is the key.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt;"><br /></span></div>
<br />
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15.75pt;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt;">An excellent way to
encourage children is to help them feel useful by making a contribution. What a
wonderful way to let them contribute -- by making you feel better when they
give you a hug. Of course the fringe benefit is that they also feel better.
Remember, a misbehaving child is a discouraged child. Perhaps encouragement is
enough to change the behavior. Too many people think children must pay for what
they have done in the form of blame, shame, or pain (other words for
punishment). Try a hug instead.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15.75pt;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt;"><b>If you would like to meet Jane and many other wonderful Adlerians, consider joining us at NASAP (North American Society of Adlerian Psychology). Here's a <a href="http://www.alfredadler.org/" target="_blank">link</a> to find out more about our upcoming conference. We'll be there too!</b></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15.75pt;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15.75pt;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt;">warmly, </span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15.75pt;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt;">Beverley Cathcart-Ross & Doone Estey</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10607777132735241091noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7307045364546973876.post-3316186984983817402016-04-02T10:29:00.000-04:002016-04-02T10:29:05.293-04:00Are your children controlling you? Here are some suggestions...<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #404040; font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Who’s the boss in your home? Has your parenting collapsed?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFqu4cvnq-5FZuebvtEcsDIxnRaA4pDKDTxPzPnps63D4PiRTFM7zLHCanP7T-PIOmKnW_r0K5krbKkw-SdumHNiStMrdBA2RuGCowUgDH0OV7D3SoXUSnsjN97pYupL_9UZnK4hjVWAk7/s1600/iStock_000001465983XSmall+pouty+face.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="132" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFqu4cvnq-5FZuebvtEcsDIxnRaA4pDKDTxPzPnps63D4PiRTFM7zLHCanP7T-PIOmKnW_r0K5krbKkw-SdumHNiStMrdBA2RuGCowUgDH0OV7D3SoXUSnsjN97pYupL_9UZnK4hjVWAk7/s200/iStock_000001465983XSmall+pouty+face.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="color: #404040; font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">A recent MacLean’s magazine article entitled "The Collapse of
Parenting", after Leonard Sax's new book, claims that children are the
boss in modern parenthood. It suggests that adults defer to their kids because
they've lost confidence in themselves. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #404040; font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">One example is how parents cajole their kids to eat their vegetables by
asking "Honey, could you please do me a favor? Could you please just try
one bite of your green peas?" Dr. Sax feels parents have relinquished
their authority and he talks about taking back control of their kids. What
he doesn’t say is how to do that without shoveling peas down your child’s
throat.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #404040; font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">In our experience, “control of the kids” isn’t the solution. Here are some
approaches for handling mealtime in a respectful way that invites cooperation:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="background: white; margin-left: 59.25pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-indent: -41.25pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #404040; font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> “We haven’t any carrots today, just peas. We
can have carrots tomorrow if you’d like.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; margin-left: 59.25pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-indent: -41.25pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #404040; font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“I can’t make you eat
them, but I think you should give the peas a try.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; margin-left: 59.25pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-indent: -41.25pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #404040; font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“I see you are not hungry
anymore. I guess lunch is over.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; margin-left: 59.25pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-indent: -41.25pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #404040; font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> “Fruit and yogurt is the dessert for today,
ice cream is a weekend dessert in our house.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="background: white; margin-left: 59.25pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-indent: -41.25pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #002060; font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #404040; font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“You don’t like the dinner
tonight? How about you and I plan a couple of meals that you would like.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #404040; font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">While we cannot make our kids eat anything they don’t want to eat, neither
can they make us give them choices we are not willing to offer.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<b><span style="color: #404040; font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Please call 416-944-0412 for
information on our Courses and Talks…<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="border: none 1.0pt; color: #262626; font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; padding: 0in;">Parenting the Younger Child: <a href="http://parentingnetwork.ca/course_desc.php?id=2189">Raising Great Parents</a> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="border: none 1.0pt; color: #262626; font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; padding: 0in;">Preteen/Teen: <a href="http://parentingnetwork.ca/course_desc.php?id=2192">Yes, You Can Have a Good
Relationship</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">All
the best,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Doone
& Beverley<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">P.S.
Early Bird Special ends April 6<sup>th</sup>!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10607777132735241091noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7307045364546973876.post-78532127681064133292016-01-18T11:10:00.004-05:002016-01-18T11:13:07.584-05:00Making NEW Habits - Your Behaviorial System<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">
It's that time of year to reflect on possible changes, changes for the better. Here's a post that explains how to approach change for more success...</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">
Fold your arms. Which arm is on top, your left or your right? Do you know why?</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">
Stand up for a minute and take a walk to the door. Which foot did you step out on? Why?</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">
Sign your name. Sign it again. Are each of these signatures exactly alike?</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">
<b>Ever since you were born you have been learning new behaviors.</b> At this age, you now have two different kinds of behaviors: organized and re-organizing. Your organized behaviors are habits, routines, things you do without hesitation. At this point in your life they feel automatic. But the first time (and several times following) you did them, they were new, creative and re-organizing.</div>
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<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">
Now you can fold your arms, step out on your right or left foot and sign your name without hesitation or having to think about it. You just do it. That’s because you have been doing each of these things for a long time and frequently enough that these behaviors are organized and habitual.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">
<b>Any time you decide to change one of your behaviors,</b> whether that be <em>primarily</em> an action, or a thought, or a feeling or emotion, you are re-organizing. This is difficult, challenging and hard to do. The more you practice this new behavior, the more automatic or habitual it will become. But this takes time, patience and presence. You have to remember to do your new re-organizing behavior <em>before </em>you fall back on the organized habit.</div>
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<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">
William James, father of the principals of modern psychology, said it took about three weeks of practicing a new behavior before it began to be habit. More modern research indicates the time to develop a new habit using re-organizing behaviors may take up to 6 months. The difference between these two time frames probably has something to do with how involved or complicated the new habit is. You can probably adapt to changing where your waste basket is <span class="aBn" data-term="goog_1647105793" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(204, 204, 204); border-bottom-style: dashed; border-bottom-width: 1px; position: relative; top: -2px; z-index: 0;" tabindex="0"><span class="aQJ" style="position: relative; top: 2px; z-index: -1;">in three weeks</span></span>. But changing your automatic thoughts about the unfairness of your life to feeling grateful for today’s sunrise with a new opportunity to meet and greet others in the world may take up to 6 months of your conscious practice.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">
<strong>Today </strong><strong>choose a new practice from your re-organizing behaviors for improved mental health & happiness. Keep track of how long it takes for this new practice to become an automatic habit. </strong>By now your daily challenges have given you lots of new ideas from which to choose. But if you don’t like any of these ideas, let your new re-organizing habit involve asking family and friends what they each do to improve their mental health & happiness. See if you can find one worth practicing yourself. Or spend some quiet, contemplative time and tap into your own creative, re-organizing system.<br />
<br />
Here are a few more you could consider:</div>
<ul style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;"><ul>
<li style="margin-left: 15px;">Brushing and flossing your teeth twice a day</li>
<li style="margin-left: 15px;">Smiling all day long whether you are with another person or not.</li>
<li style="margin-left: 15px;">Eating fresh, locally grown fruit with every meal.</li>
<li style="margin-left: 15px;">Saying <em>Thank you</em> out loud every waking hour of your day.</li>
<li style="margin-left: 15px;">Spend 30 minutes a day (at least) outside in nature.</li>
</ul>
</ul>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">
Keep track of your progress. Are you remembering to do your new re-organizing practice? Do you need to set up a system to help you be more conscious and conscientious? Make a guess how long you think this new practice will take before it becomes a habit. Put a star on your calendar for the day you believe your new practice has become a habit.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">
Make Today a Happy One,</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">
The Team at Mental Health and Happiness<br />
A Subsidiary of The William Glasser Institute - US.</div>
Parenting Network. Toronto, Canadahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05296564486831358448noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7307045364546973876.post-79003350488181920922016-01-11T14:32:00.003-05:002016-01-18T11:13:43.409-05:00The Ticket to Happiness - for you and your child<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Feeling happier is easier than you
think. Dr. Glasser, founder of Choice Theory psychology, has a daily challenge
to better health and happiness for 2016. Here’s a tip from a recent post…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI0RBlXU6zQKDzLZ8ROv52WS_0DW5F_gJDRhqMZ8fSM0vMWvAKVI8GsOtotJDhac8SV38KBvyqwvIRcQGj49synhHF0n6cjLiQD5Qi7b0WGBgOLwpnTflx6fANscp0DvnbE4HFjbs9pO6D/s1600/iStock_000003312057XSmall+4+in+a+hot+tub.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="132" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI0RBlXU6zQKDzLZ8ROv52WS_0DW5F_gJDRhqMZ8fSM0vMWvAKVI8GsOtotJDhac8SV38KBvyqwvIRcQGj49synhHF0n6cjLiQD5Qi7b0WGBgOLwpnTflx6fANscp0DvnbE4HFjbs9pO6D/s200/iStock_000003312057XSmall+4+in+a+hot+tub.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><br /></span>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">“All behavior is total. What that
means is that acting, thinking, feeling (emotions) and physiology (what’s
happening in your body) all occur simultaneously. When one component, such as
acting, is changed everything else changes too.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">In other words, if you're feeling blue, or grumpy, or even
depressed, and you smile (change your action) your thinking, feeling and
physiology will change. Smiling can help you feel better! This is true whether
the smile is authentic, faked, or manipulated by putting a pencil horizontally
between your lips and teeth. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Other benefits? You are more attractive to other people
when you smile. Smiling is contagious, as in<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><em>smile and
the world smiles with you.</em><span class="apple-converted-space"><i> </i></span>And
smiling reduces your body's stress response.<br />
<br />
<strong>Today</strong><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><strong>spend
your day smiling.</strong><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>Smile
at your kids and your pets. Smile at other people, whether you know them or
not. Smile while you are driving, reading your emails, washing dishes, walking
and playing the piano. Smile while you eat. In fact, every time you see the
color red, smile. Don't want to smile at red, then choose another color. And
don't forget to smile especially warmly and sincerely when you see and speak
with those people you love.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Other resources to
up the happiness quotient in your family!</span></b><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 16px; text-indent: -24px;"> ·</span><span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; text-indent: -24px;"> </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">Take
one of our popular parenting courses -><b> </b></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"><a href="http://www.parentingnetwork.ca/course_desc.php?id=2189" style="font-weight: bold;">Raising Great
Parents</a>;<b> <a href="http://www.parentingnetwork.ca/course_desc.php?id=2192">Teens:
Yes You Can Have a Good Relationship</a></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"> ·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">Google
some laugh tracks and get laughing! Here’s <b><a href="http://funny-stuff.audio4fun.com/sound-effects.php?page=funny-laugh-sounds&id=32584">one</a>
</b>to get you started.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzgqtPH7qoIRztSt23EjPRg9FbyZrmHeTILwCHHrOpKeotq4ysByExJjdeL7BehvLyprgfv_NJxGQcPGQoKJYM-AS-snJDXlbhtuVdr8BMbQmaYkPOPNTj5JX63TSDU-3p5DhQJ1vZi-zb/s1600/Pillow+fight109718190_47.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="138" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzgqtPH7qoIRztSt23EjPRg9FbyZrmHeTILwCHHrOpKeotq4ysByExJjdeL7BehvLyprgfv_NJxGQcPGQoKJYM-AS-snJDXlbhtuVdr8BMbQmaYkPOPNTj5JX63TSDU-3p5DhQJ1vZi-zb/s200/Pillow+fight109718190_47.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Make Your Day a Happy One!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Beverley & Doone<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Parenting Network. Toronto, Canadahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05296564486831358448noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7307045364546973876.post-85793512081478178242015-10-02T17:34:00.000-04:002015-10-05T08:22:01.145-04:00"I'm the parent, I deserve some respect!"<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #0d0d0d; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“</span><span style="background: white; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Life sometimes gets in the way of my parenting and your tips
and comments nudge me back to what really matters most. My pre-teen daughter is
becoming a bit of a challenge but she is still my dream kid. Hugs in our house
are critical to me, even when she pushes me away. Thanks for reminding me of
the importance of unconditional love!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
<b><span style="color: #0d0d0d;">Ideas and
Tips for Nurturing Respect in the Family, </span></b><span style="color: #0d0d0d;">the second key principle of LRB</span>. <i>(If you missed last week's tips on unconditional love go <a href="http://parentingnetworkca.blogspot.ca/2015/09/whats-most-important-parenting-tool.html">here</a>.)<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPeo_IRRWebk75yXHDSYJCvfoWzr-I1ocP9zRCOWYf8B69MoZrW5QHSbDjePzuWMiQelL-DqZhUpzJ8AcCqp0t5_l11whAzExVf_h-C1xyGdy8ocxPsX3oe0jdSdd3L69GCKkICBn4qSMP/s1600/iStock_000018422757Small+father+and+daughter+turned+away.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPeo_IRRWebk75yXHDSYJCvfoWzr-I1ocP9zRCOWYf8B69MoZrW5QHSbDjePzuWMiQelL-DqZhUpzJ8AcCqp0t5_l11whAzExVf_h-C1xyGdy8ocxPsX3oe0jdSdd3L69GCKkICBn4qSMP/s200/iStock_000018422757Small+father+and+daughter+turned+away.jpg" width="133" /></a><span style="color: #0d0d0d; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The most effective way to raise respectful children is for us to
model <b>respect for our child <u>and</u>
respect for ourselves</b>. We call this <i>Dual Respect.</i> This helps children learn to have
regard for others and set personal boundaries. <i><o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The
old: <i>“I’m your parent, I deserve some respect!</i>” is not as useful as
we might hope. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Every
child is born with a strong natural desire</span></b><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> <span style="background: white;">to learn,
explore and be creative. We respect this and want it to flourish. We don’t want
to crush this spirit. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
<span style="background: white;">We can give a child a say in what goes on,
within limits appropriate for his or her age. A</span> 3<span style="background: white;">-year-old</span> <span style="background: white;">can
choose which cereal goes in her bowl. A</span> <span style="background: white;">5-year-old</span> <span style="background: white;">is ready to decide
what to wear to school. A</span> <span style="background: white;">10-year-old</span> <span style="background: white;">can manage his own homework schedule.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">We don’t have to agree with the judgment of our 10-year-old
or our 5-year-old. Lots of times we wouldn’t make the choices they make. But
when we show we respect their ability, as young human beings, to choose for
themselves, our children can learn to manage many aspects of their daily lives,
and enjoy that great feeling of self-reliance and independence.</span><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
<br />
<b><span style="background: white;">Now let’s talk about respect for ourselves</span></b><span style="background: white;">. We want to remember that we have a choice too. By
being respectful of ourselves, we can say clearly what we’re willing to do, and
what we’re</span> <i><span style="background: white;">not</span></i> <span style="background: white;">willing to do.</span> <span style="background: white;">Some parents forget this part of the deal.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
<b><span style="background: white;">There’s only one person you can be 100% sure
of controlling</span></b><span style="background: white;">, and that’s you. So
the next time your child talks back to you in a way that you don’t like, you
have a quick option to create some space for yourself by saying or just
thinking something like this:</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
will treat you with respect, even if you don’t respect me back. I
will also be respectful of myself. So I’m going to go to my room for a few
minutes, and when I get back we’ll try again.</span></i><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> Better teaching happens when we are both
calm, rather than in the heat of battle.<br />
<br />
<span style="background: white;">So when your child is badgering and wanting to
control you while you’re on the phone, you might say:</span> <i><span style="background: white;">This isn’t working for me. Can you stop or do I need
to take my call somewhere else?</span></i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">If the behavior doesn’t improve, you might go into another
room to carve out a quiet space for yourself. This is what respecting yourself
looks like, and when you deliver the message in a kind tone of voice, you’re
also showing respect for the child. You’re saying, in effect:</span><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="background: white; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I can’t make you do it, so I will decide for myself what I
will do in this situation. I’m not willing to be treated disrespectfully, and I
am going to decide what’s going to happen next – to me, not to you.</span></i><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
<br />
<span style="background: white;">Or say</span> <b><span style="background: white;">your children are fighting at story time</span></b><span style="background: white;">. It’s driving you crazy, but there’s an easy way to
restore some balance for yourself -- by tapping once again into this principle
of self-respect. Here’s how: You can close the book.</span> <i><span style="background: white;">I will read when the room is quiet.</span> </i><span style="background: white;">Now you have power and control – over
yourself.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
<span style="background: white;">No matter what the situation, we ask ourselves
this question: How do I show respect for my child’s right to make choices and
at the same time maintain my self-respect? This is Dual Respect in action.</span><br />
<span style="background: white;"> </span><br />
<b><span style="color: #0d0d0d;">Next week… </span></b><span style="color: #0d0d0d;">we’ll share our thoughts about nurturing your child’s <b>confidence
and belief in themselves.</b></span><br />
<br />
<b>Other resources: </b></span><strong><span style="border: none windowtext 1.0pt; color: #f16eb9; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; font-weight: normal; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0in; padding: 0in;">Early Bird Special!</span></strong><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="color: #f16eb9; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> Save $40 </span></span><span style="color: #f16eb9; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">($80 per couple) <span class="apple-converted-space">–ends Oct. 5</span></span><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="http://www.parentingnetwork.ca/course_desc.php?id=2189">Raising Great
Parents </a> - One of our most popular<br />
<span style="color: #1155cc;"><a href="http://www.parentingnetwork.ca/course_desc.php?id=2192">Parenting a Preteen/Teen
Teen</a> - </span><span style="color: #444444;">Yes, You Can Have a Good Relationship</span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><a href="http://www.parentingnetwork.ca/products.php">Who's The Boss? </a></span>– from our Audio Parenting Series. Learn
at home!<br />
<br />
Warmly, Beverley and Doone <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">416-480-2499; 416-944-0412</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10607777132735241091noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7307045364546973876.post-77064665768443667582015-09-23T16:59:00.001-04:002015-09-23T16:59:44.494-04:00“If you really cared for me, you wouldn’t ..."<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Children whose parents use guilt or withholding love have trouble
working out disagreements well into adulthood, according to a new study.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“To maintain healthy relationships, it is important to be able to
assert one’s own beliefs during a disagreement while also continuing to be warm
toward the other person,” said lead author Dr. Barbara Oudekerk, a psychologist
at the University of Virginia in Charlottesville. Previous studies have found
that teens who struggle with confidently expressing their opinions during a
disagreement are at risk for using hostile methods in their own relationships
and experiencing depression and loneliness in close relationships in adulthood.</span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibzh1my-th12OUFiAjaytII-CPUnkh9FM4zeshHCMapYKEYXg15NA1nZJrW1eKLPc75gfSCUC34Q_I153Zjp_Dbtnn60RY7v2R1bKzy3V8_zkybEn3SOPITGxiQgs3ccxWsbrAVXA1B_bg/s1600/Fighting+with+teen.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibzh1my-th12OUFiAjaytII-CPUnkh9FM4zeshHCMapYKEYXg15NA1nZJrW1eKLPc75gfSCUC34Q_I153Zjp_Dbtnn60RY7v2R1bKzy3V8_zkybEn3SOPITGxiQgs3ccxWsbrAVXA1B_bg/s200/Fighting+with+teen.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For the study, 184 teens were interviewed at the age of 13 and
again at 18, answering questions about how often their mother or father exerted
psychological control, such as using guilt, withdrawing love, fostering anxiety
or employing other manipulative techniques.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Some parents used psychological control by saying, for example,
“If you really cared for me, you wouldn’t do things to worry me,” or by
becoming distant when their teens didn’t see eye to eye with them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Researchers also assessed the teens’ ability to reason</b>, to “be
their own people” and to express confidence, as well as their ability to show
warmth and connection at ages 13, 18 and 21, partly by recruiting and surveying
the teens’ close friends. Researchers watched the subjects and their friends or
romantic partners have disagreements and discussions on tape and coded their
interactions for confidence, warmth and collaborativeness. The study team
reported their results in the journal Child Development.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“In this study, we examined psychological control on a continuum,
and found that the more psychological control parents exerted, the more
difficulties teens had establishing a sense of independence and closeness
during a disagreement with close friends and romantic partners,” Oudekerk said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“Over all, we found that the more psychological control youth
experienced from parents, the less likely they were to express their own
opinions, give reasons why they felt that way and do so in a warm,
collaborative way,” she said. “We are not able to tell, exactly, how much ‘too
much’ psychological control is.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>The researchers do not know why psychological control predicts</b>
less autonomy and relatedness later in life, but these kinds of parenting
practices might teach youth that disagreeing with their parents or others can
hurt the relationship, and instead it is better to just agree, she said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> “In general, psychological
control is not a good way to parent, so it would be better if parents didn’t
use psychological control at all,” said Dr. Judith Smetana, an adolescent
development researcher at the University of Rochester in New York. “There’s
really no ‘good’ amount.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>What can parents do to turn the tide? </b>In our experience, the biggest contributor to a parents </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">struggle</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> with their teen is FEAR. Fear of their teens safety; fear of external factors such as social media, street drugs, and alcohol</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> use. Fear of the unknown is another minefield. A teens need for privacy often feels like rejection to a parent and contributes to a parent's sense of isolation from their teen. This can fuel a tremendous amount of anxiety and more fear.</span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Breaking this vicious cycle is not an easy task,</b> and the best place to begin is to believe in your teen again. See them as capable, as being able to handle the outcome of their choices - even if they don't handle it well they are capable of learning and growing from their experiences. You are their safety net to help them when they fall. </span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Don't go it alone.</b> Get the support you need to navigate these years in a healthy manner. Sign up for a parenting class, see a counselor, reach out. They are worth it and so are you.</span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We have a new <a href="http://www.parentingnetwork.ca/course_desc.php?id=2192">Preteen/Teen class</a> starting in a few weeks, join us!</span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">All the best,</span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Beverley & Doone</span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">416-480-2499 or 416-944-0412</span></div>
Parenting Network. Toronto, Canadahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05296564486831358448noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7307045364546973876.post-48053094828950104712015-09-22T19:43:00.000-04:002015-09-24T18:10:34.838-04:00What's the Most Important Parenting Tool?<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 14.5pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">When
parents ask us this question </span>we go straight to <span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">the Three Principles
that we feel guide and</span> <span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">influence
everything we do. </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It’s our secret sauce in parenting, we call it LRB. It’s
more powerful than any tool or strategy we can give you. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 14.5pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 14.5pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Children
raised in an atmosphere of LRB feel loved, valued, sure of themselves,
respectful of others, and keen to participate and contribute to the family.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 14.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Children raised without LRB
feel conditionally loved, can lack confidence in their abilities, and may be
disrespectful to themselves and others. These children are more likely to
misbehave, be defiant and rebel.<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 14.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>What does LRB stand for?</b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 14.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">*<i>Unconditional love for
your child</i>, no matter how they behave<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 14.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">*<i>Respect</i> for
your child’s ability to make choices and do things for themselves<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 14.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">*<i>Belief </i>in your child’s ability to learn
to manage the outcome of these choices</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 14.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Autumn
Challenge:</b>
Over the next few weeks, we will send you some simple ways to ensure you are incorporating
LRB in your parenting.<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> Today’s focus is </span><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Unconditional Love and next we’ll follow up with
some ideas on Respect and Belief in your child. We’ll have you feeling great
about your parenting in no time!</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]-->
<!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 14.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>Part 1 - Unconditional Love</u></b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 14.5pt;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We all
love our children. But if we take a look at what we actually say and do, what
might we see? What messages are we giving to our children in the words we
choose, the behaviors we display, and in the tone of our voice?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 14.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
<b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">What children want is very simple -- love and approval from the
parent</span></b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">. If we show, with our words and emotions, that we are
angry or upset with our child over a certain behavior, the child may interpret
it like this:</span> <i><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">Mom or Dad will love me more or
less if I behave a certain way.</span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 14.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For
example, a child does something noteworthy at school or at home, and we
practically beam our love. But then, when he’s not doing his homework and
ignoring our reminders, we tense up and our tone becomes sharper. Or we snap. When
parents appear happy, sad or mad as a result of a child’s performance, the
child not only sees this judgment but internalizes good or bad feelings about
themselves.</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 14.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">With time,
it can become a given, a belief:</span> <i><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">How well I perform=How
much I am loved.</span> </i><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">This can feed a
feeling of insecurity that will be highly detrimental over time. </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 14.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Losing a
parent’s love and approval hurts a child more than anything.</span></b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And, it
will invite one of three reactions:</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">* The child tries to win our love back by being
obedient or pleasing</span><br />
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">* The child hurts us back, retaliates</span><br />
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">* The child gives up and retreats into their
shell</span> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 14.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Whichever way, they are discouraged and will feel
insecure.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 14.5pt;">
<div style="line-height: 19.3333px;">
<b style="line-height: 14.5pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Our solution to this dilemma is simple:</span></b></div>
<div style="line-height: 19.3333px;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Love and
accept our children as they are. Recognize that performance varies in life,
goes up and down, but our love for our child does not. They need to know that
no matter how they perform, regardless of whether they succeed or fail, they
can count on our unconditional love and support. In an atmosphere of
unconditional love,</span><b style="line-height: 14.5pt;"> </b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">our children will develop a strong sense of belonging,
and feel safe.</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 19.3333px;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 19.3333px;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-weight: bold; line-height: 19.3333px;">How do we do this in practice? Here are a few key ways…</span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="background: white; line-height: 14.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;">1.<span style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Separate the deed from the doer.</span></b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> In other
words,</span> <i><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">I love you; I won’t always love your behavior.</span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background: white;">We won’t always love everything our child does, but our love
for him is never in question. Say your child is not getting ready for school in
the morning. Even if you find yourself raising your voice more than you wished,
you can make sure he knows you’re blasting his behavior, not him.</span> <i>“<span style="background: white; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">Andrew, you
know I love you but I’m getting really frustrated at how long you’re taking
this morning!”</span></i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><span style="background: white; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"><br /></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2Nqp_bSdXR7H4Bm8U8TNrmCvW5JDYuDEsY1uja_jB2xpo16aJzn2W-p94IQRbKezHgoAX_Cxh4vqqBoWhYEPQboVta4VxRCJIttiQC-PJySbQaEIGK21QGeX40QwXBJARlJ96eijaH_o-/s1600/momhuggingchild.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="132" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2Nqp_bSdXR7H4Bm8U8TNrmCvW5JDYuDEsY1uja_jB2xpo16aJzn2W-p94IQRbKezHgoAX_Cxh4vqqBoWhYEPQboVta4VxRCJIttiQC-PJySbQaEIGK21QGeX40QwXBJARlJ96eijaH_o-/s200/momhuggingchild.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">2.<span style="font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">Three Daily Greetings with Hugs</span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 14.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We like to
build unconditional love into every day with our children. Here’s an easy way
we suggest to all parents. It’s called the</span> <span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">Three Daily Greetings with
Hugs. Hugging is fundamental to this ritual because it’s a physical
demonstration of our love. Of course </span><span style="line-height: 14.5pt;">you can share your love more frequently
but this is a powerful practice to start.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 14.5pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">The first greeting</span></b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> in your child's day is in
the morning. Instead of</span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> <i><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">“Come on
get out of bed, we don’t want to be late”,</span> </i><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">we like to say something warm and caring such as,</span> “<i><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">It's great to see you! I need one of your hugs. Last
night's has all worn off”.</span></i> <span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">Share
the unbridled joy you feel seeing your child. Then you can focus on the needs
of the morning, but get that greeting and close connection with your child in there
first! They may say</span> “<i><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">Go away!”</span></i> <span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">and pull the covers over their heads, but the message will
get through.</span></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
<b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">The
second greeting</span></b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"> and hug in the day is
when we reunite – when we get home from work or pick them up at school. Before
anything else, we like to let our kids know they’re the most important person
in that moment, with a hug, a warm greeting, or a few words about how we
thought about them during that day. Then they might hit us with their lunch box
and say</span> “<i><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">You make yucky lunches”,</span></i> <span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">but we know the words of unconditional love got in
there, and they learn yet again that they don't have to do anything to earn our
love. It has nothing to do with their performance; it is there no matter what!</span><br />
<br />
<b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">The final
greeting</span></b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"> in the day is bedtime. Even
if things go off the rails and get ugly, it’s great to assure them of our love,
with words and actions.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">Affection can be easier for some parents than
it is for others.</span></b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 14.5pt;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Even if
you have trouble with it, this is a good time to dig deep. Research shows over
and over again the power of closeness. It’s good for all children, even your
teenager. Affection can be as simple as a big smile or a loving rub of their
shoulder, or a wink from across the room. Or you might pull your child up onto
your lap for a cuddle, or have a wrestle on the floor. Little kids like hugs,
big kids like hugs.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">The bottom line:</span></b> <span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">Love is not supposed to be a tool to manipulate our
children's behavior. It shouldn’t be used as a reward or punishment. When we
shower our children with our unconditional love, it provides them with a secure
and safe place to use their internal creativity, to grow, learn and flourish.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 14.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Next time…</span></b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background: white;">We’ll share our thoughts about having</span> <b><span style="background: white;">Respect</span> <span style="background: white;">for
our child’s ability to make choices and do things for himself.</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
</span><b><span style="background: white; color: #262626; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Registration is in full swing!</span></b><span style="color: #262626; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><b> </b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><b> </b><span style="color: red;">Early Bird Special ends in a week!</span></span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
</span><span style="background: white; color: #262626; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Whether you have a toddler or teen we have a Parenting Course
for you:</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
</span><u><span style="color: blue; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="http://parentingnetwork.ca/course_desc.php?id=2189">ParentingI – Raising Great Kids</a> </span></u><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
</span><u><span style="color: blue; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="http://www.parentingnetwork.ca/course_desc.php?id=2192">Preteen/TeenTeen – It’s a Whole New Ballgame!</a></span></u></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">Get in touch should you have any questions!</span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background: white;">Warmly,</span> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background: white;">Beverley and Doone</span> </span><br />
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">416-480-2499 & 416-944-0412</span>
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br />
<!--[endif]--></span>Parenting Network. Toronto, Canadahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05296564486831358448noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7307045364546973876.post-76413830469007769142015-05-06T17:09:00.003-04:002015-05-06T17:09:55.795-04:00Flipping Their Lid<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.0pt; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="color: #1d1b11; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">All of us "flip our lids" sometimes. We’re
human. When it’s our child, it usually comes in the form of a tantrum, whining,
hitting or crying. Often these behaviors indicate a child’s lack of skill to
self-regulate (the ability to monitor and manage emotions, and thoughts). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #1d1b11; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Self-regulation is important because it helps a child to focus their attention
and behave in socially appropriate ways, even when life gets
tough. Research shows that a child’s ability to self-regulate is a more
robust predictor of long-term success than academic achievement.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.0pt; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="color: #1d1b11; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The encouraging news is that<b>
self-regulation can be taught.</b></span><span style="color: #1d1b11; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> The skill develops slowly over time so it’s important not
to expect the same ability from a 3-year-old as from a 7-year-old or 17-year-old. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b><span style="color: #1d1b11; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Mistakes and Making Repairs <o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.0pt; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="color: #1d1b11; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The process of making a repair after flipping our lid is
critical. So when we parents become unglued, it’s important that we model taking
responsibility for our actions and for repairing the relationship. Here are
four suggestions that encourage the process of self-regulation inspired by
fellow Adlerian, Dr. Jody McVittie:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="line-height: 18.0pt; margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .25in; text-indent: -.25in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #1d1b11; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">1.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><b><span style="color: #1d1b11; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Re-gather:</span></b><span style="color: #1d1b11; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> Take the time and space that you need to calm back down.
(i.e. “I ‘m starting to feel a little tense, so I’m going to take a few minutes
of quiet time to calm down.”)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="line-height: 18.0pt; margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; vertical-align: baseline;">
<b><span style="color: #1d1b11; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Tip:</span></b><span style="color: #1d1b11; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> Get your kids to help brainstorm ways to calm down.
Such as, practice some deep breathing, go for a walk, listen to music, count
backwards, wiggle toes or fingers, get some fresh air, and look at nature.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="line-height: 18.0pt; margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .25in; text-indent: -.25in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="color: #1d1b11; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">2.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="color: #1d1b11; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Recognize:</span></b><span style="color: #1d1b11; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> Internally acknowledge your mistake without shame and blame
(i.e. "I blew it").<b><o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="line-height: 18.0pt; margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; vertical-align: baseline;">
<b><span style="color: #1d1b11; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Tip:</span></b><b><span style="color: #1d1b11; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></b><span style="color: #1d1b11; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Pay attention to
the things that trigger<b> </b>you<b> </b>and plan ahead how you will respond
the next time.<b><o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 7.5pt; margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .25in; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #1d1b11; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">3.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><b><span style="color: #1d1b11; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Reconcile:</span></b><span style="color: #1d1b11; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> Apologize without making excuses. Keep it VERY brief and
acknowledge your mistake (i.e. “I’m sorry for yelling,” or “I shouldn’t have
spoken to you like that,” etc.). </span><b style="color: #1d1b11; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">Tip:</b><span style="color: #1d1b11; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">
Saying sorry isn’t enough. Make a plan for improvement too.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 7.5pt; margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo3; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .25in; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #1d1b11; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">4.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><b><span style="color: #1d1b11; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Resolve: </span></b><span style="color: #1d1b11; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Share what you will do to make it different next time. What are
you going to try? (i.e. “Next time I will count backwards when I’m frustrated
instead of yelling.” or, “Next time I will ask you what happened before I jump
to conclusions.”). <b>Tip:</b>
Ask your children for their help. (i.e.” Next time you see me about to flip my
lid, will you let me know?”)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #1d1b11; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">An adult repairing their mistakes (and relationships) in this
manner is powerful modeling to children. It sends an important message - everyone can make a mistake, and in our family we take ownership of our mistakes and we do
our best to do better for the next time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<b><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Want to learn
more about how to self-regulate? Here are some resources:<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Dr. Bruce Perry,
a respected leader in the field, shares some of <a href="http://cts.vresp.com/c/?SoundDiscipline/5316d2fc73/436be63037/7ea967a1da" target="_blank"><span style="color: #1155cc;">the neuroscience involved in
self-regulation</span></a>.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><b><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Improve the way you communicate with your children:</span></b><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> Sign up for our <a href="http://www.parentingnetwork.ca/course_desc.php?id=2205">How to Talk so
Kids Will Listen</a> and Listen So Kids Will Talk course – last time offered
this year!</span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #222222; font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><b><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Parent of a Preteen/Teen?</span></b><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> Still time to join our <a href="http://www.parentingnetwork.ca/course_desc.php?id=2206">Teleseminar:
Parenting a Teenager</a> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">Books are a great way to explore this topic with young children: <a href="http://cts.vresp.com/c/?SoundDiscipline/5316d2fc73/436be63037/8fa0985cbd/ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0545143152&linkCode=as2&tag=sounddisci-20&linkId=AUOF5TV7OSRUXEKX" target="_blank"><span style="color: #1155cc;">How Do Dinosaurs Say I'm Mad!</span></a> by Jane Yolen; and <a href="http://cts.vresp.com/c/?SoundDiscipline/5316d2fc73/436be63037/53560e4b63/ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0983605262&linkCode=as2&tag=sounddisci-20&linkId=DVMQU5U2Z2A7553I" target="_blank"><span style="color: #1155cc;">Jared's Cool-Out Space</span></a> by Dr. Jane Nelsen.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">Download this <a href="https://docs.google.com/document/d/1vmmHpfCkhtz8CEcER-WICYhIFsBS9L3yvL9ANCJ4yWI/edit?usp=sharing" target="_blank"><span style="color: #1155cc;">feeling faces chart</span></a> for free! Helps children identify and name their feelings.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Questions? Please leave a comment or get in touch!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Warm regards,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Beverley Cathcart-Ross &
DooneEstey<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="color: #999999; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Co-authors of</span></b><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"> <b><span style="color: #3d85c6;"><a href="http://raisinggreatparents.ca/" target="_blank">Raising Great Parents</a></span></b></span></div>
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</div>
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<u><span style="color: #3d85c6; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><a href="http://raisinggreatparents.ca/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #1155cc;">Our
Book</span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="color: #1155cc; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"> </span></span></a></span></u><span style="color: #3d85c6; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"> <a href="mailto:beverley@parentingnetwork.ca" target="_blank"><span style="color: #1155cc;">Email</span></a> <u><a href="http://www.facebook.com/beverley.cathcartross" target="_blank"><span style="color: #1155cc;">Facebook</span></a></u> <a href="https://twitter.com/#!/parentingnetwrk" target="_blank"><span style="color: #1155cc;">Twitter </span></a> <span class="apple-converted-space"> </span> <u><a href="http://parentingnetwork.ca/index.php" target="_blank"><span style="color: #1155cc;">Website</span></a></u></span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10607777132735241091noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7307045364546973876.post-5020438014691909872015-02-20T18:26:00.000-05:002015-02-20T18:26:11.534-05:00Confessions of a (recovering) Helicopter Dad<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">A
self-diagnosed 'helicopter dad' was lamenting how he imagines, without
fail, the worst-case scenario every day. In his <a href="http://fw.to/apcY5Ke" target="_blank"><span style="color: #007fff; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica;">article</span></a>, he notes that, "As a culture,
we are obsessed with protecting kids – from building playgrounds with cushioned
surfaces to preventing them from climbing trees. Where does this worry
come from? I don’t want it, but can’t escape it."<br />
<br />
We regularly hear the same fear and anxiety from parents in our courses.
The best cure, we have found, is to help parents understand the source of their
fears and then equip them with the tools to manage them.<br />
<br />
</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Fear is an important and vital signal
from our brain.</span></strong><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">It motivates us
to respond quickly in life-threatening situations, protecting both us and our
children. Another powerful motivator, one that we are all born with, is the
desire to be adventurous, create and learn. The challenge for us parents is to
know when to listen to our fears and when to let go of them - to harness both
motivators effectively. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">It
may be counter-intuitive, but the best protection for our kids over time, is to
help them build immunity by exposing them to certain risks, versus protecting
them from imagined or potential hurts.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
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<strong><span style="color: #666666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica;">Some ways to ease a transition
away from parenting with fear:</span></strong><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br />
1) Ask yourself - "Is this a life-threatening situation?" If not, put
your fear aside for now.<br />
2) Let kids handle as many challenges as possible. Often we parent for the
short term, stick handling for our kids now, hoping they'll learn later.<br />
3) Believe in your child's ability to handle what comes their way. Take
comfort that even if they struggle - skin a knee or have a disappointment -
they learn that uncomfortable feelings can be sustained, be dealt with, and
eventually overcome.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">If you have succeeded in 'letting go' of your own fears please share your tips!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">warmly, Beverley & Doone</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><b>Other resources:</b></span></div>
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</div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Register in a <a href="http://www.parentingnetwork.ca/courses.php">Parenting Course</a> - <i><span style="color: red;">Early Bird Special on NOW!</span></i></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Check out this audio parenting CD: <a href="http://www.parentingnetwork.ca/product_desc.php?id=2196">Too tough or too permissive?</a></span></li>
</ul>
Parenting Network. Toronto, Canadahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05296564486831358448noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7307045364546973876.post-5638984224758956322014-12-17T13:44:00.001-05:002014-12-17T15:05:58.017-05:00Our Top Picks to Nurture Appreciation & The Spirit of Giving<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-outline-level: 5;">
<span style="color: #484848; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">All children have what
it takes to be appreciative, contributing and compassionate – it’s in our DNA. However, incorporating these is something that happens over time.</span><br />
<span style="color: #484848; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<span style="color: #484848; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><b>It
starts with the early teaching of manners</b> – such as saying please and thank you.
This can graduate into giving them feedback for their thoughtfulness or
contributions around the home. <i>”Thank you
for clearing the dishes from the table. Clean up will go faster now!” </i>models
appreciation better than,<i> “I am so proud
of you for helping.” </i>You want to stroke the deed instead of the child.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #484848; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span>
</span><br />
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<span style="color: #484848; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">While
it may seem counter-intuitive, children contributing around the home helps them
become much more appreciative of the efforts of others. Let them choose weekly
jobs they would like to learn – making a salad, brushing the dog, cleaning a
bathroom, emptying a dishwasher.</span><br />
<span style="color: #484848; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
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<b><span style="color: #484848; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">How to shift the focus from getting to giving <o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="color: #484848; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Determine the values
you want your children to learn. Decide ahead of time your budget for gift-giving. With so much focus today on being
environmentally friendly, it’s a perfect time to discuss the idea of reducing
consumption with your children. Make a commitment as a family to leave a smaller
footprint on the earth.</span><br />
<span style="color: #484848; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: #484848; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Our Top Picks - </span></b><span style="color: #484848; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Here are 12 creative ways parents have shaped
a better holiday experience for their families:</span></span></div>
<ol>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Grande"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Instead of making lists of things we
want to get, we all sit down at Thanksgiving and make lists of things
we want to do together as a family during the holiday season. For example:
old movie night, or board games, or cross-country skiing. This also
helps instill family traditions (my daughter's list always includes
watching “</span><span style="color: #262626; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Grande"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It's a Wonderful Life” and</span><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Grande"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> having fondue)
and helps to emphasize that what we value most is our time together.</span></span></li>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We make a special effort to model
doing acts of kindness - shoveling a neighbor's walk, inviting a single
person to a holiday dinner, or offering the mail carrier a cup of hot
chocolate.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">One idea our family will be trying
out this year is called "Advent Angels." Each person in the
family draws another person's name. He or she becomes that person's Advent
Angel during the Advent Season. The advent angel is to do kind things for
his or her person without letting that person know who is doing it. On
Christmas Eve we will reveal who is each person’s Advent Angel and the
Angel will give that person a homemade gift. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Take the opportunity to have the
children go through their toys and books. We all have things that are
just like new but we don’t use. Then prepare a "care package"
for a needy family.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Work at a local soup kitchen/shelter
serving a meal during the holiday season, or volunteer at a local
hospital or nursing home. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Request that grandparents and others
put money into an education fund instead of buying too many toys.
Education funds, ideally, can be used to fund Zoo/Museum memberships,
sports, music, theatre, other lessons, and summer camps that broaden the
horizons of children and youth, but drain family budgets.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Even young children can be involved
in making cards and small gifts. Get ideas from books in the library or on
the internet and use materials found at home. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We decided to say "no" to
a lot of the invitations and activities of the season. We selected
one adult-only activity for the holidays, and spent the rest of the time
doing family activities.<b> </b></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Each of us in the family writes out
10 things we appreciate about each other and read them on Christmas Eve. A
great way to teach kids how to express their appreciation for
others. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We give our daughter experiences throughout
the year. We print gift certificates to “a day of ice skating with two
friends” or a “professional manicure”. This way, we don’t overspend, and
we have fun things to do with her the entire year! </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As a family we always visit our
local art museum and go through the “period rooms” which are decorated for
Christmas. It gives us an opportunity to talk about how families from
different times in history celebrated the holidays.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Grande"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Every year we designate a special
“baking day”. The whole family bakes cookies and other holiday treats. I
make it a point to bake my mother’s sugar cookie recipe written in her own
hand and talk to my children about when I used to do the same with
grandma. It is a wonderful generation touchstone. We bake enough that we
give 5-6 dozen to the local soup kitchen.</span><span style="line-height: 17.55pt;"> </span></span></li>
</ol>
<span style="color: #484848; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">Acknowledgements: Tracy Chapell; </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><a href="http://www.overindulgence.info/index.html"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"> Raising Likeable, Responsible,
Respectful</span></a> Children...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Many of you have already taken advantage of the great
savings in our <b>Holiday Sale</b>, b</span><span style="line-height: 115%;">ut if you haven't had time, here's your
chance before these prices<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="line-height: 115%;">end
<b>at midnight Monday, December 22.</b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;">Click for <a href="http://www.parentingnetwork.ca/index.phpwww.parentingnetwork.ca">Parenting
Courses</a>; <a href="http://parentingnetwork.ca/products.php">Audio Parenting
Series</a>; Our book - <a href="http://parentingnetwork.ca/products.php">Raising
Great Parents</a>.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Doone and I send our heartfelt wishes to all of you for a happy and
peaceful Holiday Season, along with our thanks for being a part of our
community. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;">Warmly,
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;">Beverley
and Doone<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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Parenting Network. Toronto, Canadahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05296564486831358448noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7307045364546973876.post-17658488431570502132014-12-15T13:02:00.001-05:002014-12-15T13:02:58.980-05:00Do We Put Too Much Emphasis on Children’s Gifts at Holiday Time?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiDDeG6n05W3R3EmaErGfK_6pgUdPKBxag9gDb_JpEoLKvYJrGoOAKD3-hxP7ayGTbppozGGbAB8NfGJbZfshotmdGEhc99P1aUjgEvH1EM2oTYMfb4sqTW3HI1QvjfSZ8Zo3tod4H1jm2/s1600/HolidayDebateYES-225x300.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiDDeG6n05W3R3EmaErGfK_6pgUdPKBxag9gDb_JpEoLKvYJrGoOAKD3-hxP7ayGTbppozGGbAB8NfGJbZfshotmdGEhc99P1aUjgEvH1EM2oTYMfb4sqTW3HI1QvjfSZ8Zo3tod4H1jm2/s1600/HolidayDebateYES-225x300.jpg" /></a></div>
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<b><i><span style="color: #5c5c5c; font-family: inherit, serif;">The December holidays are no
doubt a time for gift giving, but how much is too much? </span></i></b><span style="color: #5c5c5c; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</div>
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<span style="color: #5c5c5c; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">By Jennifer Collins</span></div>
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<span style="color: #5c5c5c; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 16.8pt;">It has always been a
priority to make Christmas just as wonderful and magical for my own children as
it was for me. To make lots of memories and to spoil them a bit, too. </span><span style="color: #5c5c5c; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 16.8pt;">But recently my
husband and I have decided to scale back the focus on gifts. We notice the bins
of toys the kids neglect, the puzzles that are never put together, the dolls
that </span><span style="line-height: 22.3999996185303px;">aren't</span><span style="line-height: 16.8pt;"> played with. Our kids have more than they need. More than they
want. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #5c5c5c; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">A couple of weeks
ago I asked my children if they could remember what gifts they received
last Christmas. They could only name one or two. What did they remember most
about our family Christmas traditions? My daughter said she loved going to the
nursing home and singing to the residents. My son’s memories were about making
holiday-themed cookies and wearing Christmas pajamas while reading “Twas the
Night Before Christmas” before bed on Christmas Eve. And of course they remembered
the shenanigans of our elf “Cole” that stays with us from Thanksgiving to
Christmas and reports their actions to Santa each night.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #5c5c5c; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 16.8pt;">My children remember
more about the gifts </span><span style="line-height: 22.3999996185303px;">they've</span><span style="line-height: 16.8pt;"> given others than the presents they received
themselves—such as the customized pencil-and-crayon vase my daughter gave her
first grade teacher and the glittery </span><span style="line-height: 22.3999996185303px;">hand-print</span><span style="line-height: 16.8pt;"> ornament my son made for our
tree. </span><span style="line-height: 22.3999996185303px;">They've</span><span style="line-height: 16.8pt;"> picked out special toys for children their age from the Angel
Tree and have dropped coins into the Salvation Army’s red kettle. My children
seem to understand intuitively that the true joy of Christmas is connected to
the thoughtful and careful process of giving.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #5c5c5c; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">This year we are doing
Christmas differently. We will give our children fewer things and yet enrich
their lives with more of the holiday</span><i><span style="color: #5c5c5c; font-family: inherit, serif;"> </span></i><span style="color: #5c5c5c; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">experiences they remember so well from the
past. They will be receiving a few handcrafted gifts from us and some
items that they have on their lists— a sword, Lego and pajamas for our
four-year-old; craft supplies and books for our eight-year-old. But they won’t
be receiving any of the extra “fillers” that always seem to creep in. Our kids
seldom have lists that are miles long. </span><i><span style="color: #5c5c5c; font-family: inherit, serif;">We </span></i><span style="color: #5c5c5c; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">are the ones that over-do it each year. We are
the contributors to their overflowing, neglected toy bins.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 16.8pt; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="color: #5c5c5c; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">This Christmas we are
also going to spend more time serving others and looking for ways to help out
in our community. We will sing Christmas carols in the nursing home again. We
will make a pet food donation to the local animal shelter. My daughter also
wants to bake cookies for the local police and fire departments. We have one
project for each weekend of the month leading up to Christmas. Our new
tradition.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #5c5c5c; font-family: inherit, serif;">Yes</span><span style="color: #5c5c5c; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">,
our kids enjoy Santa and stockings, and all the typical holiday fun. But
ultimately, for us, Christmas is a religious holiday. And I am thankful that we
have put the tradition of giving—not receiving—back at its core.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 16.8pt; vertical-align: baseline;">
<i><span style="color: #5c5c5c; font-family: inherit, serif;">Jennifer Collins is a mom with a
day job and she likes to write about her victories and messes along the way.
This was her contribution to <a href="http://www.brainchildmag.com/2014/12/do-we-put-too-much-emphasis-on-childrens-gifts-at-holiday-time/">Brain
Child - the magazine for thinking moms</a>.</span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"><o:p><strong>Christmas gift ideas for mom or dad! </strong></o:p></span><i style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Still time to receive for Christmas. </i></div>
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<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"><o:p><b>Register</b> in a <a href="http://parentingnetwork.ca/courses.php">Parenting Course</a></o:p></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"><strong><strong style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Great stocking stuffer under $15 - o</strong>ur <a href="http://parentingnetwork.ca/products.php">Audio Parenting Series</a>. </strong>Each<span style="color: #0b5394;"> is p</span>acked with over 60 minutes of parenting tools and peace of mind. Available in either CD or Download format.</span></li>
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Parenting Network. Toronto, Canadahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05296564486831358448noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7307045364546973876.post-69757525697179528042014-09-30T15:51:00.004-04:002014-09-30T15:51:45.909-04:00Discipline That Teaches without The Hurt<br />
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"></span></i><br />
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"><blockquote class="tr_bq">
“Research shows that physical
punishment of a child can actually change the brain’s neural pathways, setting
him or her up to use similar force as a parent later in life. Ending the
cycle of violence isn’t easy but it can be done.” Globe and Mail, September 19, 2014</blockquote>
</span></i><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">Parents
often ask us, “If I adopt your collaborative approach to parenting, can I
discipline my child when things aren’t working? How?” <o:p></o:p></span><br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">When
they say the word discipline, they usually mean some form of punishment, or at
least a consequence. There’s a lingering myth that a child needs to suffer to
learn. That’s not what we believe. When things go off the rails, which they
inevitably will, we want to provide a chance for our children <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">to take responsibility for it, make amends,
and learn from it.</i> <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">Effective Discipline Tools</span></b><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">Alternatives
to punishment is such a vital focus for parents that we decided to dedicate our
next few newsletters to guiding parents on how to incorporate discipline in a
positive and encouraging way into their family life.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
</span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">Messing up is normal in any family.</span></b><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"> </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidoatyAPcg0a6UrXh_GmbB6zZnGOpNc52SZrr8UWXvzoV7r3yMqx9_CVLs2wEAe5QjUn4wHu89GRXC9nlCAiU5zVQjKRHto0f9SSaLWR8Ol3apNi0HVvCpjq4ehwBNzVozZ-P1lsQtF_uF/s1600/discipline.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidoatyAPcg0a6UrXh_GmbB6zZnGOpNc52SZrr8UWXvzoV7r3yMqx9_CVLs2wEAe5QjUn4wHu89GRXC9nlCAiU5zVQjKRHto0f9SSaLWR8Ol3apNi0HVvCpjq4ehwBNzVozZ-P1lsQtF_uF/s1600/discipline.gif" height="200" width="133" /></a><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">Kids
draw on the wall, they break a vase when they’re jumping off the sofa, or they
might even steal money to buy candy at the store. It might be a simple mistake,
something they didn’t think through in advance. Or it might be intentional,
repeated behavior. If it is, you can be pretty sure that something is driving
this behavior and the most helpful thing we can do is figure out what it is.
Then we can look for a solution with our child.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">Valuable Resource</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">When
things go wrong, we can depend on an incredibly valuable resource – our own
child’s natural creativity and ability to solve problems. Kids are our greatest
resource. Figure them out, and they can move from resistance to cooperation.
They have lots of ideas, they’re creative, and they respond to problem-solving.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">One of
the most effective lines we can use when our child has messed up is this one:
“What do you think you can to do about this?” Here we are asking our child for
their ideas to solve the problem, and it can transform a potentially ugly
confrontation into a creative problem-solving exercise.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">Last Resort</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">When a
child continues to disregard solutions or decisions agreed upon, then it’s time
for follow through. But instead of dishing out a consequence we’d like you to
consider what we call taking the Logical Next Step. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">The 3R Rule for Logical Next Steps</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">Whenever
we feel the need to follow through on a behavior with a Logical Next Step it
needs to pass this litmus test: The 3R Rule – Respectful, Reasonable, Related.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">1. Be Respectful</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">Your
tone should show respect for your child. Instead of “How dare you ...” you can
say, “This isn’t working today, so we need to leave.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">Dreikurs,
a renowned American psychologist, put it this way: If logical consequences are used as a
threat or imposed in anger, they cease being consequences and become
punishments. Children are quick to discern the difference. They respond
positively to logical consequences; they fight back when punished.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">2. Be Reasonable</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">Going
home when a child is acting up in a restaurant is a reasonable solution.
Telling the child they won’t ever come to a restaurant with you again would be
unreasonable.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">3. Relate the Step to the Behavior</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">A
Logical Next Step must be related to the behavior. Leaving the restaurant
passed this test. If you say to one child, “If you hit your sister, you won’t
have dessert,” it doesn’t follow. If your child talks back at the dinner table,
and you say, “No TV tonight,” it won’t make sense. He’ll only resent you for it
and feel the need to retaliate.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">When
used properly, Logical Next Step is a very effective way to respond to a
child’s negative behavior. Children do recognize when they are given chances
but choose to disregard all efforts. They do see the fairness and they will
come around. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">In our next newsletter,</span></b><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"> we’ll share with you our thoughts
and solutions for some of the typical challenges parents bring to us. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"><o:p>Until then, keep well!</o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"><o:p>Beverley & Doone </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"><o:p><strong>Other Resources:</strong></o:p></span></div>
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<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"><o:p><a href="http://parentingnetwork.ca/courses.php">Parenting Courses</a></o:p></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"><o:p><strong>Teleseminar:</strong> <a href="http://parentingnetwork.ca/course_desc.php?id=2193">Self-esteem</a></o:p></span><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"><o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"><o:p><strong>From our Audio Parenting
Series: </strong><a href="http://parentingnetwork.ca/product_desc.php?id=2200"><span style="color: #0b5394;">Setting Limits
- Clear and sensible approaches to discipline</span></a><span style="color: #0b5394;"> </span>Packed with over 60
minutes of parenting tools and peace of mind. In either CD or Download
format.<o:p></o:p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
</span><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
</span></o:p></span></li>
</ul>
</div>
<ul>
</ul>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
Parenting Network. Toronto, Canadahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05296564486831358448noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7307045364546973876.post-39497675751263668662014-08-12T12:28:00.001-04:002014-08-12T12:28:18.172-04:00Time to tear your kids away from their devices... We are definitely on the 'waning' side of summer - a realization that I hate to even think about! BUT, there is still time to inject some summer fun in these final weeks before the frantic pace, synonymous with the school year, sets in.<br />
<br />
This post by Catherine Ross may be just the spark you need to tear your kids away from their devices!<br />
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<br />
Some of my earliest childhood memories are of playing games like hide and seek and blind man’s bluff with the kids in the neighborhood. We were a bunch of 8-10 kids who would gather in the biggest garden available (which was, luckily, ours) or the park every evening around tea-time and spend at least two hours together. We would either play one of the above mentioned games or simply make up new and innovative games of our own, squealing away as we chased each other. And the feeling of accomplishment which came with emerging as the winner in such games was unparalleled – we would strut around the house all evening, proudly proclaiming the same till our moms shut us up!<br />
<br />
Another vivid memory is the annual treat of going out camping with dad for a weekend in our summer holidays. My younger brother and I used to start badgering him a week before the summer vacations actually began – eventually he would have to give in and then off we would go, with our sleeping bags in tow. One particular summer, dad was out of town for the entire duration of the holidays and we were particularly morose until our mum came up with a brilliant idea – we ended up camping with our tents and sleeping bags in our very own backyard!<br />
<br />
However, if you ask my kids today what activities they enjoy the most, they would probably say it’s the PlayStation game ‘EyePet and Friends’, ‘Temple Run’ or some such online or mobile game. Playing outdoors would never figure in their list of activities at all, let alone favorite activities!<br />
<br />
A study carried out in the USA titled – <a href="http://www.imaginationplayground.com/images/content/2/9/2960/An-investigation-Of-The-Status-Of-Outdoor-Play.pdf" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0066cc;">An Investigation of the Status of Outdoor Play</span></a> – came up with the following major findings:<br />
* Children in the USA today spend less time playing outdoors than the previous generation.<br />
* The number of regular play activities is higher for indoor activities than outdoor ones (96 per cent kids watch television regularly, 81 per cent play online games every day).<br />
* Obstacles to playing outdoors focus on the child’s increased use of television and computers at home.<br />
<br />
Then comes the question: Does it matter? After all, one should change with the changing times. In the present age of tablets, smart phones, cable TV, Facebook and YouTube, is it actually important for today’s kids to know the difference between the daisy and the chrysanthemum, a fowl and a chicken?<br />
I don’t think kids would be affected as adults if they don’t know the difference between two different species of plants; what would matter more is picking up qualities like problem-solving skills, cooperation and teamwork, which they could have picked up while getting dirty climbing trees and splashing through mud puddles with other kids. These little joys of childhood learning are slowly but surely disappearing today.<br />
<br />
Outdoor activities and being in the lap of nature, teach things which online learning cannot match. First of all, outdoor games are multi-sensory activities wherein you can touch, hear, see and smell things. It is an imaginative process, where there are no pre-conceived ideas and you can change rules to suit your needs. Interacting with other people in person develops a certain level of empathy and understanding between fellow beings plus improves communication skills, which is impossible in the case of online learning. And last but not the least, kids build up their immunity levels and keep themselves fit with all the running around. Would all this be possible if they were cooped indoors all day, with a touch screen tablet in their hands? No way!<br />
<br />
So when <a href="http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2013/06/130628-richard-louv-nature-deficit-disorder-health-environment/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0066cc;">Richard Louv </span></a>writes: “We have such a brief opportunity to pass on to our children our love for this earth, and to tell our stories. These are the moments when our world is made whole. In my children’s memories, the adventures we’ve had together in nature will always exist…”, I completely agree with him. Because it is possible to strike a balance between the time our kids spend indoors and the time they spend outdoors, in order to make them have the best of both worlds.<br />
<br />
After all, in the summer, at the end of the day, you should smell like dirt. That’s the fun of it. Don’t we owe it to our kids?<br />
<br />
Author Bio: <a href="https://plus.google.com/u/0/111455132854626509782/posts" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0066cc;">Catherine Ross</span></a> is a full-time stay-at-home-mum who believes learning should be enjoyable for young minds. An erstwhile elementary school teacher, Catherine loves coming up with creative ways through which kids can grasp the seemingly difficult concepts of learning easily. She believes that a ‘fun factor’ can go a long way in enhancing kids’ understanding and blogs at <a href="http://kidslearninggames.weebly.com/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0066cc;"></span></a><span style="color: #0066cc;"><a href="http://kidslearninggames.weebly.com/">http://kidslearninggames.<wbr></wbr>weebly.com</a></span><a href="http://kidslearninggames.weebly.com/"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null"></a><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null"><a href="http://kidslearninggames.weebly.com/">/</a></a></a><br />
<div class="gmail_default">
<br />
Now, I'm going to get off this device and get dirty! Want to join me?<br />
Warmly, Beverley<br />
<br />
Beverley<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Cathcart-Ross </div>
<div class="gmail_default">
Co-author of<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><i><strong>Raising Great Parents:</strong> How to Become the Parent Your Child Needs You to Be! <span style="color: red;">Now Available! <span style="color: black;">Order @</span> <a href="http://www.amazon.ca/Raising-Great-Parents-Become-Parent/dp/1927483727/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1407857619&sr=8-1&keywords=raising+great+parents">http://www.amazon.ca</a></span></i><br />
<em><span style="color: red;"></span></em><br />
<em><span style="color: red;"></span></em><strong>Fall Parenting Courses now on our </strong><a href="http://parentingnetwork.ca/"><strong>website</strong></a><strong>... enjoy our Special Summer pricing too!</strong></div>
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Parenting Network. Toronto, Canadahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05296564486831358448noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7307045364546973876.post-48543255579043913722014-08-12T12:26:00.001-04:002014-08-12T12:26:52.385-04:00Review for "Raising Great Parents"<a href="http://4mothers1blog.files.wordpress.com/2014/07/rgp_front_high_rgb.jpg?w=290&h=300" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4mothers1blog.files.wordpress.com/2014/07/rgp_front_high_rgb.jpg?w=290&h=300" height="320" width="207" /></a><br />
By Nathalie Foy<br />
<br />
July has been our learning at home month, but, of course, not all learning is for the kids. Parents are also always learning, and to recognize that learning process as on-going and ever-lasting is one of the most important tools in our parenting tool kit.<br />
<br />
I learned a lot about myself reading this book. I am, by nature, exactly the kind of controlling parent at whom this book is aimed. “Step away from the rule book a minute and listen. Attend. Observe. Relax.” That’s what this book taught me to remember.<br />
<br />
The authors of <em><a href="http://raisinggreatparents.ca/">Raising Great Parents</a></em> introduce the book by saying,<br />
<blockquote>
We realized that, to end the stressful conflicts with our kids, we had to start with ourselves. We adopted a different form of parental leadership as it finally dawned on us that our challenge was not to raise great kids but to become great parents. (2)</blockquote>
I love how such a simple phrase turns the table: do not aim to raise great kids, aim to be a great parent.<br />
<br />
How do you do that?<br />
<br />
Begin by recognizing that the only behaviour you can actually control is your own. Here is a great example: the kids are acting up at bedtime, arguing and disrupting book time. Instead of barking orders to control them (“Stop fighting!”) or feeling powerless in the face of their behaviour (“Why are you ruining my special time?”), simply close the book and tell them, “I will read when the room is quiet.”<br />
<blockquote>
Now you have control–over yourself. In effect, your words mean, “I can’t make you do it, so I will decide for myself what I will do in this situation. I’m going to … decide what’s going to happen next — to me. (33)</blockquote>
The book is full of ideas and exercises to practice how to convert a dynamic of control into co-operation. The vocabulary the authors use for modeling an exchange may not feel natural to you, but the exercises are useful for thinking outside of the usual box. The tips for taking the yelling out of the morning routine were life-changing! There is also a fabulous chart of age-appropriate chores for kids to do at home that will encourage you to give your kids a bit more responsibility and a lot more independence.<br />
<br />
The book begins with asking parents to examine their own behaviours. (Helpful. Humbling.) It then goes on to examine why kids misbehave and provides tools to guide families to a more co-operative dynamic. It covers the greatest hits: misbehaving, punishment, the link between praise and self-esteem, and co-operative problem-solving.<br />
<br />
If you are familiar with Adlerian approaches to parenting, this book will cover familiar ground. The authors are all affiliated with <a href="http://www.parentingnetwork.ca/" sl-processed="1">Parenting Network</a>, an organization that promotes parenting through cooperation and guiding our kids’ intrinsic motivation.<br />
<br />
Full disclosure: I know one of the authors of this book, Beverley Cathcart-Ross, very well. She’s family! I’ve seen her in action hosting Thanksgiving dinner for 40 people without breaking a sweat. She is grace in motion, and mostly unflappable. If she says, “I will read when the room is quiet,” she means it, but in the nicest way possible.<br />
<br />
<strong>Nathalie Foy</strong> is the mother of three boys, 13, 9 and 6, an avid reader and a former instructor of Canadian Literature at the University of Toronto. She and her husband and sons live in downtown Toronto. Follow her @ 4<a href="http://4mothers1blog.com/">Mothers1Blog</a>.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-converted-space"><em><span style="color: red;">Now Available! </span></em> </span><i><strong>Raising Great Parents:</strong> How to Become the Parent Your Child Needs You to Be! <span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;">Order @</span> <a href="http://raisinggreatparents.ca/">http://www.raisinggreatparents.ca</a></span></i><br />
<em><span style="color: red;"></span></em><br />
<span style="color: black;">Do you have any comments about our book? We'd love to hear from you too!</span><br />
<br />
All the best, <br />
Beverley & Doone<br />
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Parenting Network. Toronto, Canadahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05296564486831358448noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7307045364546973876.post-21238845784811480072014-04-01T09:19:00.004-04:002014-04-04T16:02:36.254-04:00Bossy Girls?<br />
<span style="background: white; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The most important point in Leah Eichler's recent "Bossy Girls" Globe and Mail article - </span></span>
<span style="background: white; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><a href="http://www.theglobeandmail.com/report-on-business/careers/career-advice/life-at-work/lets-hear-it-for-bossy-girls/article17718257/"><span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">link</span></a><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> - is that the command and control
</span></span><span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #444444;"><span style="background: white;">approach
is outdated, both in the workplace and the home. This holds true </span><span style="background: white;">for both
men and women as well as employees and children - nobody likes to </span><span style="background: white;">be
‘managed or bossed around’. The business model is flatter and more democratic
now,</span> <span style="background: white;">as it is in many
households. </span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><span style="color: #444444;"> </span><br />
<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background: white;">The autocratic and "father knows best" models </span><span style="background: white;">are
going the way of the boss's temper tantrums and the spanking of children.</span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><span style="background: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Ordering
people around doesn’t build high functioning employees or children. We
are better off focusing on emotional and social intelligence training as well
as respectful and self-respectful assertiveness training to develop leadership
skills in both genders.</span><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><u1:p></u1:p></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Our new book, </span><a href="http://raisinggreatparents.ca/"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Raising Great Parents</span></a><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">, deals with exactly this issue. It helps parents change their approach and build new
skills for teaching their children how to be leaders in their own lives and good citizens.
</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Verdana;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Verdana;">3 tips from the book:</span><br />
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Verdana;"><br /></span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Focus on their strengths and point them out on a regular basis</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Verdana;">Let children problem solve and deal with challenges on their own as much as possible</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Verdana;">When your children are emotional, help them name their emotions and describe them - maybe even by drawing a picture</span></li>
</ul>
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Verdana;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">All the best,</span><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Doone and Beverley</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Verdana;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"><span style="color: #444444;"><strong>P.S. Come join our Launch Party!</strong> Tuesday April 8 from 7 - 8:30 PM @ Fairlawn Neighbourhood Centre - 28 Fairlawn Ave. Toronto, <span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">M5M 1S7</span></span></span></div>
Doone Esteyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15986253790822986058noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7307045364546973876.post-66375243608831851482014-02-07T13:31:00.001-05:002014-02-07T13:31:21.748-05:00Mindfulness and children - is it even possible?<div class="gmail_default" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: small/normal verdana, sans-serif; letter-spacing: normal; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
Mindfulness is a valiant goal - however Leah McLaren in her <a href="http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/parenting/what-happened-when-i-tried-to-be-a-mindful-parent/article16726603/" target="_blank">article</a> in the Globe and Mail, might have more success if she came at it through the back door...</div>
<div class="gmail_default" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: small/normal verdana, sans-serif; letter-spacing: normal; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
<strong>Another way to 'being present'</strong></div>
<div class="gmail_default" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: small/normal verdana, sans-serif; letter-spacing: normal; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
A weekly ritual we began when our children were very young we called our "Family Pow-wow". The kids would pile into our bed on a Saturday morning and we'd exchange appreciations. A chance to 'be present' and share our gratitude. As they grew, it became a "Family Celebration" around the breakfast or dinner table once a week.</div>
The focus of the appreciations grew as well, from a material focus "Thanks mom for getting me new boots" to noticing thoughtfulness and caring "Thanks for reading me stories when I was sick in bed this week."
<br />
The surprising present? Our children became comfortable with reflection and the sharing of thanks and appreciations with each other. A blessed break from sibling rivalry!
<br />
<div class="gmail_default">
<br />
Beverley<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Cathcart-Ross </div>
<div class="gmail_default">
Co-author of<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><i><strong>Raising Great Parents:</strong> How to Become the Parent Your Child Needs You to Be! <span style="color: red;">Now Available! <span style="color: black;">Order @</span> <a href="http://www.amazon.ca/">www.amazon.ca</a></span></i></div>
Parenting Network. Toronto, Canadahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05296564486831358448noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7307045364546973876.post-29802755816952413572014-01-06T17:07:00.002-05:002014-01-07T10:41:03.744-05:004 New Year's Resolutions That Will Change Your Child's Life<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">I
am typically not a great fan of setting New Year's resolutions, particularly those that will add
stress to my life. So</span><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">
this year I got inspiration from </span><i><span style="background: white; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Child
and Adolescent Psychotherapist, </span></i><span style="background: white; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">Katie Hurley<i>. </i>She suggests we</span><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;"> teach our children
to focus on things that really matter. To help them make choices that will lead
to “improved emotional functioning, greater happiness, and lower stress.” <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span><br />
<b><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">4
New Year's Resolutions That Will Change Your Child's Life: </span></b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">The first two are Hurley’s and the second two, ours.</span></i><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span><br />
<b><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Slow
down: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><br />
I know you've heard it over and over again, but it's worth repeating. Kids are
over-scheduled, running from activity to activity, barely stopping to eat.
They're playing multiple sports in any given season and joining activities just
because they can. They’re tired, cranky, and unable to sit and just be.</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiclurTrYcQ8yroemuQYVmvoZG9dOU0GwNW6WNySbsIJvwihOEr_ubJcdC7yDV6aWg4po3ArY_0MGHibb0w8ePlIf8f9nHZcBCSP03g1taMrzE2cRI0Dq4myHRJ1O5Leas6kTsg-5g94Sg8/s1600/iStock_000015262675Small+boy+and+dad+eyes+closed.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiclurTrYcQ8yroemuQYVmvoZG9dOU0GwNW6WNySbsIJvwihOEr_ubJcdC7yDV6aWg4po3ArY_0MGHibb0w8ePlIf8f9nHZcBCSP03g1taMrzE2cRI0Dq4myHRJ1O5Leas6kTsg-5g94Sg8/s1600/iStock_000015262675Small+boy+and+dad+eyes+closed.jpg" height="211" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">And
their parents? To be honest, I'm not sure how they do it. But I do know that it
is long past time to wake up from this generation of overachieving. That mini-Monet
class is NOT what will eventually get your child into the university of choice.
Give your kid a break. Give yourself a break. Learn how to listen to the quiet and
slow down.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Unplug:
</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Technology
is great and it certainly makes life easier. But it also creates a disconnect.
Parents rely on it. Children crave it. Once the cycle begins, it can be very
difficult to stop.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Make
a decision to unplug more in 2014. Create your own "be present" box
to store your iThings when it's time to focus on family, your spouse, or your
friends. Show your children that life is fun and exciting without games and
constant connection to the outside world. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Gratitude Muscle:<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Research shows that concrete benefits happen when children learn to count their blessings. Young kids were asked to list 5 things they were grateful for each day for a two week period. The results? They had a better outlook on school and rated higher satisfaction in daily life compared to a group of children that listed 5 hassles. A similar study with teens reported significant results as well - less depression and envy, and a more positive outlook.*<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnAmETvlqmTJA8XEmOb4mu1nnfgTB1RTkMyvIb8h2lhttUKn1C-EFpVKgvopfSxQyI8l13QajBJKXObxVLPyLbOtxRuiNa2e4V4NShUmg4chBBQmaVcBURM0uSlwYSjfjzpGCR6DlOp55c/s1600/family_meal.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnAmETvlqmTJA8XEmOb4mu1nnfgTB1RTkMyvIb8h2lhttUKn1C-EFpVKgvopfSxQyI8l13QajBJKXObxVLPyLbOtxRuiNa2e4V4NShUmg4chBBQmaVcBURM0uSlwYSjfjzpGCR6DlOp55c/s1600/family_meal.jpg" height="133" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">And gratitude isn’t just for our kids! Couples also experienced lasting improvement to their relationship when writing a daily gratitude or appreciation for their partner. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">An easy way to kick-start this with your family is to set aside one dinner a week where you each share a gratitude or appreciation for one another. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Be
encouraging:</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">When
you acknowledge your child for working hard on a project, or thank them for
their contribution at clean up time, you send an important message: You and
your efforts are valued in this family.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">We
all enjoy a pat on the back and so do our kids. They need to hear that the painting
they created gives someone pleasure. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They need to hear that they dug deep out there
on the soccer field and that their effort helped the team. Give them the words.
Cheer loudly.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Here
are some ideas to get you started … </span></div>
<ul>
<li><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<strong><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Describe</span></strong><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;"> <strong><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">I
noticed </span></strong>you helping your brother with his shoe laces; <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I noticed </i>how you passed the ball to
your friend so they could score a goal.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<strong><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Appreciate</span></strong><strong><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">:</span></strong><strong><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;"> I appreciated </span></strong><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">your help today; <em><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">I appreciated</span></em> your
patience at the store.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<strong><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Believe in their ability: </span></strong><strong><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Y</span></strong><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">ou can</span></b><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;"> do this, <strong><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">I have seen</span></strong> you do things harder than
this, <strong><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">I have
confidence you</span></strong> can figure this out.</span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">These 4 Resolutions
share one common thread:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;"> They begin with you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">So
as you consider possibilities for the New Year, keep your family in mind. Let’s
resolve to ramp up the happiness quotient and decrease the stress. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><hr align="center" size="2" width="100%" />
</span><br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">*<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Other Resources:</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Downloadable
Handout:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">
How to start a weekly <a href="https://drive.google.com/file/d/0By0Yvo2Gw97-cTFTRXVUTWpwMmM/edit?usp=sharing"><span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="color: blue;">Family Celebration</span></span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Improve your
parenting skills.</span></b><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">
Check out <a href="http://parentingnetwork.ca/courses.php"><span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="color: blue;">our most popular courses</span></span></a>!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Wall Street Journal
article:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">
<a href="http://online.wsj.com/news/articles/SB10001424052702303773704579270293660965768"><span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="color: blue;">A little gratitude goes a
long way</span></span></a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
Parenting Network. Toronto, Canadahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05296564486831358448noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7307045364546973876.post-30366873788489475752013-12-19T08:34:00.001-05:002013-12-19T09:10:59.472-05:00The Hidden Danger of Rewards!<br />
<div class="Pa8" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Palatino;">It seems pretty obvious that if you want to encourage a
particular behavior, you reward it – and if you want to discourage a behavior
you punish it. Right? Well, that is certainly how the world seems to work.
Parents pay kids for grades, chores, and cooperation. Teachers offer stickers,
stars and trips to the prize box for good behavior. Managers give employees
bonuses for profit and production. And in the short-term, it seems pretty
effective. When you take a closer look, however, it doesn’t work at all. In
fact, scientists and researchers have known for years that the carrot-and-stick
approach is downright dangerous. Why has it taken so long for families and
schools to catch on?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
</div>
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Palatino;">Daniel Pink examines the truth about rewards in a
fascinating book called <b>Drive</b>. It turns out that the science of rewards
is pretty scary. In fact, the time-honored system of carrots-and-sticks
promotes bad behavior, creates addiction, and encourages short-term thinking at
the expense of long-term creativity and growth. If you take a task that someone
enjoys - <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">they are “intrinsically
motivated” –</i> and offer a reward for it, that person will do less and less
of the thing they originally enjoyed. One study rewarded three-year-olds, who
loved to draw, for drawing pictures – and over time, the three-year-olds drew
less and less.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
</div>
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Palatino;">It turns out that rewards can be useful for repetitive or
mechanical tasks. But if you’re trying to encourage creativity, learning, or
commitment to something greater, the side effects of rewards far outweigh the
benefits. Goals imposed by other people, such as grades, sales targets, or
standardized test scores often lead to cheating, short-cuts, and a decrease in
ingenuity and creativity. Why? By offering a reward, you send a clear signal
that the task must be undesirable. If it weren’t, you wouldn’t need a reward,
right? And once you’ve offered a reward, you create an expectation that a
reward should be forthcoming every time the task is done.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
</div>
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Palatino;">In fact, rewards trigger the exact same systems in the
brain that addictions do. As Pink puts it, “cash rewards and shiny trophies
can provide a delicious jolt of pleasure at first, but the feeling soon
dissipates – and to keep it alive, the recipient requires ever larger and more
frequent doses.” This is why the child who was thrilled with a quarter to take
out the garbage soon wants a dollar – and eventually won’t do the job at all.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
</div>
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Palatino;">Punishment isn’t so great, either, by the way. In one
study, parents were told that they would be fined if they were late picking
their children up from a child care center. The number of late pick-ups
actually skyrocketed. Why? Before, parents made an effort to be on time out of
consideration for their child’s teacher. When they were fined, they pushed back
a bit – and felt they were entitled to the extra time because they paid for it.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
</div>
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Palatino;">f you really want to encourage hard work, learning,
creativity, and commitment, don’t offer a reward. Invite the children and
students to get involved for the sheer fun of it. See how creative they can be,
and what ideas they have. They’ll actually be more motivated and have more fun
if you leave the stickers and prizes out of it.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
</div>
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Palatino;">There is one <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">approach</i>
that does seem to work, according to the research. If you wait until a task is
completed and then offer connection and words of genuine encouragement and
gratitude, people respond well. If that sounds familiar, it’s because <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Adlerians </i>have been saying that for
decades: connection comes before correction, and encouragement is more
powerful than praise and rewards.<s><o:p></o:p></s></span><br />
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Palatino;">If you’re curious about this, I highly recommend Daniel
Pink’s book, <b>Drive</b>. You can also search on YouTube for Pink’s name and
you’ll turn up some great short videos explaining more on the science of
carrots and sticks. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<i><span style="color: black; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Palatino;">Excerpt from an article by Cheryl
Erwin, a marriage and family therapist in private practice in Reno, Nevada. <o:p></o:p></span></i><br />
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Palatino; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">Early Bird Special on <a href="http://parentingnetwork.ca/courses.php"><span style="color: blue;">Courses</span></a>, <a href="http://parentingnetwork.ca/products.php"><span style="color: blue;">Parenting CDs</span></a> ends Thursday,
December 19 @ midnight. Don’t miss out! </span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b>Parenting Network. Toronto, Canadahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05296564486831358448noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7307045364546973876.post-28228551467418500572013-12-03T13:03:00.002-05:002013-12-03T15:52:22.250-05:00Tips to Keep You Sane this Holiday Season<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Can you believe it is December 4th?</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"> </span><span style="line-height: 115%;">Are you ready?</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"> </span><span style="line-height: 115%;">Do you have a million lists running around
your head and the nagging thought that there is simply not enough time to do
everything?</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br /></span>
</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Here are some ideas, </span><span style="line-height: 21px;">from busy moms and dads like you,</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"> to ease you into the
holiday season:</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 115%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Break
the tasks down</span></b><span style="line-height: 115%;"> into
smaller ones and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">get</i> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">started now</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even if it is just getting out some boxes of decorations
or recipes or buying some hostess gifts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Take the first step to ease your way into the holiday spirit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 115%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Make
multiple lists</span></b><span style="line-height: 115%;">: one for
gifts, one for cards, one for food, one for decorating, one for charitable, one
for seasonal and school events.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Prioritize and eliminate items as you go.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Set
3-5 priorities each day</span></b><span style="line-height: 115%;">, to
be done in between putting out all the fires.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This way at least you’ll have done some of the most pressing tasks by
the end of the day.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Hire
extra help</span></b><span style="line-height: 115%;">.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If your children are older, consider paying
them to help do things above and beyond their regular chores.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They can babysit, shop, wrap, decorate,
cook.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If your children are younger,
consider your friends’ university-aged kids who are home for the holidays and
looking for part time work.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">5.<span style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Organize
a shopping babysitting pool</span></b><span style="line-height: 115%;">.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Together with a couple of friends, offer to
host a kids’ play group while the other moms shop and then rotate so you get 2
afternoons to yourself.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">6.<span style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Do
less</span></b><span style="line-height: 115%;">.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A lot
less.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Often parents will run themselves
ragged trying to do too much and never saying “no”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Don’t volunteer to bring homemade cookies to
the class party just because of what the other moms will say.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And don’t feel guilty!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Your family would rather have a less
accomplished, calm parent than a crazy Supermom or dad. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 115%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">7.<span style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Marshmallow
Snowmen, Inuksuks and Igloos</span></b><span style="line-height: 115%;">.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unless you are really into
them, never mind all those complicated crafts in the magazines.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Get some toothpicks, gumdrops and
marshmallows and have your kids go creative. Use canned icing to stick on
sprinkles, buttons, beads, ribbons or whatever other decorations you have
around.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">8.<span style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><b><span style="line-height: 115%;">Email
cards and invitations.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></b><span style="line-height: 115%;">Get recipes and shop online.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 115%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">9.<span style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Watch
your party persona</span></b><span style="line-height: 115%;">. Don’t even think of overindulging in food and
alcohol until the middle of December, when the season is in full swing, or
January 2 will arrive with a vengeance. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 115%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">10.<span style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><b><span style="line-height: 115%;">Be Mindful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></b><span style="line-height: 115%;">Relax your shoulders, take 10 slow deep breaths and do 5 different
stretches every hour just to keep things in perspective and to truly appreciate
the beauty and meaning of the season.</span></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Our Holiday Sale is back...<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For 2-weeks ONLY, we’re holding our special <b>Holiday Sale</b> on all of our Courses and products. <strong><span style="font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: Times;">The
sale ends at midnight on December 2</span></strong><strong><span style="font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">0th</span></strong><strong><span style="font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: Times;">, s</span></strong>o go <span style="color: #c00000;"><a href="http://www.parentingnetwork.ca/index.php"><span style="color: blue;">here now</span></a> </span>and grab Toronto’s best Parenting
Courses at these great rates.
Give the gift of family “peace and joy” all year round!<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Parenting
Network<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">416-944-0412<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Doone Esteyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15986253790822986058noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7307045364546973876.post-31478664196913405592013-10-17T12:16:00.000-04:002013-10-17T12:55:01.677-04:00Cliques and Bullying – 3 Tips to Safeguard Your Kids<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Girls and cliques and
bullying are on everyone’s mind these days. While bullying behavior is
not necessarily happening more now than it used to, parents and teachers are
more aware and more willing to discuss it in all kinds of forums, and
rightfully so. Bullying hurts our kids and undermines the social fabric
of our schools and our communities.</span><span style="color: #222222; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">How do you help your preteen/teen
avoid engaging in bullying behavior or malicious gossip? As adults, are
we contributing to the problem?</span><span style="color: #222222; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">1.</span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 7.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 7.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Bullying is a learned behavior, a response to a child’s
perception of themselves and the world around them. Bullying and mean
girl gossip have their roots in how a child is treated in his or her
life. </span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 9.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Whether at home - and that means us,
along with brothers and sisters - or at school – and that means teachers,
coaches and friends - everybody who has input into a preteen’s day has the
potential to cause hurt. This hurt, in turn, can lead to vengeful, cruel
behavior.</span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 9.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">2.</span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 7.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 7.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Everybody wants to fit in, and to belong. Many preteen/teens want
to be accepted by the cool kids, to be popular and have high social status. Impressing
others and competing for status is a full time task for insecure kids and it’s
often achieved in dysfunctional ways. </span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 9.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">They go after a more vulnerable kid
to make themselves feel superior. A teen who is bullying often comes
across as confident and in control, but underneath there can be a lot of self-doubt
and suffering. Sometimes simply providing these teens with a positive
leadership role will help them get their connection and worthiness in a useful
and contributing way.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">3.</span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 7.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 7.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It is up to us as parents and teachers to build our teens’
awareness of behaviors that can be hurtful to others. Help them see how
much power they actually have when they make hurtful comments or mean remarks,
even in jest. When dealing with bullying behavior it’s vital to have our
teens’ cooperation to work on solutions together. </span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 9.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">To do this, we need to show we care
and earn their trust. Only then can we have an influence over their behavior
and help establish more empathy for others – a key to turning the situation
around.</span><br />
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 1.3em;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 1.3em;">For more information on how to have a better relationship with your teen, see our courses:</span><br />
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 1.3em;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 1.3em;"> </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 1.3em;"> </span><a href="http://parentingnetwork.ca/course_desc.php?id=2192" style="color: #9d1961; font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 1.3em;" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Preteen/Teens</span></a><br />
<div class="post-body entry-content" id="post-body-8284153645660850656" itemprop="description articleBody" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 1.3em; margin: 0px 0px 0.75em; orphans: auto; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;">
<br /><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="line-height: 1.3em; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<a href="http://parentingnetwork.ca/course_desc.php?id=2205" style="color: #9d1961;"><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="color: blue;">How to Talk So Kids Will Listen </span></span></a><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span> </span></span><br /><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="line-height: 1.3em; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">All the best,</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Beverley and Doone<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">416-480-2499<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Parenting Network. Toronto, Canadahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05296564486831358448noreply@blogger.com0