Principle #3 – Is the bickering driving you crazy?

Ever find yourself negotiating how many sprinkles each child has, or who touched who first? Or gone through a stop sign because you were focussed on what was going on in the back seat?

Often as parents we tend to get way too involved in our children’s bickering. We know children need to learn how to stand up for themselves – it is a survival skill – but the learning process can drive us crazy!

“Mom, he looked at me!”
“For goodness sakes, just ignore him! Or look the other way - he’s just trying to bug you.”

“Mom, it’s my turn, tell him he’s got to share!”
“If you two can’t work it out the game’s going away. Do you understand?”

“Susie, you’re an idiot!”
“If you can’t talk nicely to each other, I don’t want you talking at all!”

Here is the third in our series of 4 Key Principles to create the close, cooperative relationships we so dearly want between our children.

Principle #3: Stay out of it! The tricky part is knowing when to stay out of it and when to step in.

Some general guidelines for those low level conflicts – bickering, arguing and name-calling.

The 3R’s of conflict:
1. Retreat into your mind - ignore the fuss and dream of your next vacation
2. Request they take their behaviour someplace else – “Would you guys please handle this somewhere else.” TIP: A request is NOT a demand.
3. Remove yourself when you find the behaviour annoying, or if above didn’t work! – “This isn’t working for me. I’m going to the other room.”

Sounds like…
“Mom, he’s looking at me!”
“Mmm…”
“Tell him to stop!”
“This is between you and your brother.”
“Fine, I’m going to eat my cereal somewhere else!”

Or…

“Susie, you’re an idiot!” “Well at least I don’t have pimples all over my face!”
“Guys would you please take this someplace else. I’m reading here.”
“Well I don’t want to be with her anyways! I’m going to my room!”

Let the kids resolve as many issues as possible without stepping in. Today look for opportunities to use the 3Rs. Think - "Bring it on kids. I'm ready for you!"

For those times when you are tempted to step in - tune in next week for Principle #4 - where we'll explore when and how to intervene.


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Have a great day!
Beverley