Parenting Network

This is in honour of all the dads out there. Fathers’ Day has been and gone but dads in Canada are doing their part all year round… here’s some proof!

Picture the scene…

It’s 6:15am and Mom has just left for work. Little Zoe is still sleeping and Dad’s aware that Tommy is in need of a diaper change. Dad’s diaper changing skills are kicking into gear when he hears the phone ringing. It’s Mom trying to fit in an early morning conversation before she gets on the GO train.
He emailed her later to explain why he was so distracted during their phone call.

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From: Dad (a reformed Senior Drilling Engineer turned full-time dad and marathon runner)

To: Mom (full-time working Mom)

Subject: Sorry for the chaotic phone call - Escape of dark matter.

Zoe was sleeping and Tommy and I were coming up from the basement when the phone rang.  I was downstairs for a #2 and realized Tommy had a #2 too.  We were half way up the stairs when the phone rang.  Normally in those circumstances I would let it ring.  BUT…

1.      Uncle Pete left at 5am and decided to go to the airport via the bus.  Don't ask....But via the 58 to the green line, then the green line to Lionel Groulx, then catch the 747 to the airport.

2.      My sister Lisa is in Edmonton for a conference.

So in 2 cases I thought I better run and grab this.

Last weekend, while I was out of the country Tommy developed a bum rash.  We have nursed this back to 90%, so the idea of leaving him in a poopy diaper for any length of time is undesirable.

So I thought I can do this.

Mid conversation, tuck phone under ear, and put boy on counter.

Peel off pyjama bottoms.  Observe and identify an escape of dark matter which has exited the primary containment chamber (diaper) and coated the interior of the secondary containment chamber (pyjamas).  At this point I am the pig in the bacon and eggs.  Totally committed.

Delicately gathering the dark matter from his legs I then proceeded to open the primary containment chamber which revealed a major release of dark matter from the black hole.  Trying to work quickly and not alarm any one over the phone in the GTA I went straight to work.  Tommy, sensing the urgency of the matter, initiated secondary assistance by putting his fingers in the dark matter. 

Then I dropped the phone.

A fast recovery and then I was back on track. Phone on shoulder, fingers clean, primary containment chamber removed and dark matter 90% clear.

Another wipe and it was looking good.

Back to the bum rash, which at 90% recovery still requires a topical application of 2 creams, the second being Zincofax.  Tommy for some reason believes he needs Zincofax on his knees - mostly due to the scrapes and scratches I guess.  Seeing that I was very busy, he decided to help by plunging his fingers into the Zincofax.

Now I don't know how much experience you have dealing with Zinc in your line of work, but the stuff goes on easy, stay on and gets everywhere… and is impossible to wipe off.  Which makes it a great diaper cream!

Not so good as a finger dip for a 20 month old.

Usually his next move is to go for his face or hair.  So I immediately went for the block.

Now the whole time I am still talking to you on the phone.  Although my neck is starting to cramp and I really would like to switch ears… Impossible!

So fingers clean, bum clean and creamed I close the new containment chamber and return the subject to his environment.

So how did it sound from your end?

Dad.

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Wouldn't it be wonderful to have more children's stories and books written by dads? I think this chap may have missed his calling...