Instant cooperation with Your Teen

Here are 7 quick ways to inspire instant cooperation with a Teen:

1. Show empathy and understanding, “Wow sounds like you had a tough day.” And then zip it up and switch into listening. Or, “I hear you… raking leaves is the last thing you want to do with your Saturday.”

2. Adjust your attitude to fit the situation before you approach your teen because your attitude not only drives your behavior – it drives theirs. Welcoming, interested, enthusiastic and non-judgmental are really useful attitudes.

3. Open body language – open hands, uncrossed arms, etc. contribute to a welcoming attitude. Making eye contact helps too! I know this can be a tall order with many teens, but it helps create trust and can calm many a situation.

4. Give feedback, physical and spoken - nod, say “Mm hmm” “I see” etc. It helps a person feel understood and safe to share.

5. Tell them what you will do, not what they will do “I’m willing to serve dinner when the table is clear.”; “I would like to hear what you have to say, but this isn’t working for me. How about we come back to this in an hour when I’m calmer.” (saying “I’m calmer” is non-blameful)

6. Give a choice. “It’s your day to empty the dishwasher. Are you planning to do it before breakfast, or after?”

7. Share your feelings. “I really enjoyed our evening together. Thanks for joining us.” Less is often best with Teens.

More great suggestions in our Preteen/Teen-It's a Whole New Ballgame! course.

Acknowledgements: How to Talk So Teens Will Listen, by Adele Faber; Boothman’s Boost