Tips For Handling Your Child's Next Meltdown!

Q. My son has a meltdown or temper tantrum whenever he doesn’t get what he wants. How should I handle it? - Frazzled Mom

A. I’m going to make a guess that when your son “doesn’t get what he wants” there’s likely a parent and, perhaps the word “No” involved? It’s amazing how such a small word can trigger such a volcanic eruption from a child. And not only from a child, we can erupt too. Just remember how you reacted the last time one of your children said “NO!” to you when you made a request? Thought so.

One incredibly simple way to avoid these meltdowns is to use this great parenting tool - “Alternatives to No”.

Let me give you some examples.

To a young child, INSTEAD OF:
“No you can’t have a cookie. We’re about to have dinner.”

ALTERNATIVES TO NO:

• “When do we have cookies in our house?” (Tool – Letting the routines be the 'boss')
• “Cookies sound like a great idea. Should we put some on a plate for our dessert?” (Tool – Redirecting the child)
• “You sound very hungry. Since it’s just about dinner you can have some carrot sticks or a glass of milk. Which would you prefer?” (Tool – Giving a choice)
  

To a Teen, INSTEAD OF:
“No I can’t drive you to the Mall right now, can’t you see I’m busy making lunch?”

ALTERNATIVE TO NO:
“I will be available to drive you and Cheryl to the mall at 3:00 if you can wait ‘til then.” (Tool - Say ‘what you are willing to do’ to help your child or teen achieve their goal.)

ALTERNATIVES FOR MORE RISKY SITUATIONS:

• “It’s minus 15 degrees, so we all need our mitts today. If you don’t want to wear them now, you can put them in your pocket or in your backpack for later.”
  

• “We hold hands when we’re in a parking lot so that drivers can see us.” Or “You can hold my hand or my coat. You decide.”

(Tools – Giving Information, and Giving a Choice)

As you can see there are plenty of alternatives to saying “No”. When you invest a moment and help your child find a way to fulfill their desire, you turn a knee-jerk reaction “no” into a “yes” or a “maybe”. All it takes is a little practice.

And you’ve got to agree that not only does it sound better, but it gives you a better shot at cooperation too!

So here’s my challenge to you! Tomorrow go one entire hour without using the word “No”. The next day go two hours, and so on. You’ll be amazed at the results - fewer reactions from your child and more acceptance of the ‘needs of the situation’.

Good Luck!
Joy Morassutti

To help you make the shift towards more respectful, democratic approaches with your children check out our website Parenting Network for our listing of popular parenting classes and products.