When a Parent's "I Love You" Means "Do As I Say"

In The New York Times this week in an article by the same name, Alfie Kohn convincingly makes the connection between unconditional love and acceptance for a child with the parenting tools that carry this message into action. http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/15/health/15mind.html?_r=1

You know the saying: "Actions speak louder than words", so you already know how desperately important this is. Read on!

Unconditional love is one of the 3 parenting attitudes needed to be effective with your child in the short and the long-term that we teach at Parenting Network. These attitudes are unique to our courses, and the secret to parenting effectively. [ Shh! Don't tell! ;-) It's secret!]

He pointedly shows how common parenting techniques (including those advocated by the "big" names of Dr. Phil and the Supernanny!) in fact do not lead parents to raise highly effective adults who are ready to meet life's challenges!

And since I haven't met a parent yet - in my 5 years of leading parenting classes & workshops - who has said: "Boy, I really want to make the childhood of my offspring more difficult & really give them lots of issues to deal with as an adult", then I KNOW that ALL parents (who are not negligent in their parenting role) have good intentions to love their children unconditionally.

So, what stands in your way to create the long-term results for your child that you want?

• "I didn't know!" is a common refrain. Sometimes, out of the best intentions come unintended negative results long-term - another way of saying "ignorance" or just not knowing. Kohn outlines some of the common parenting techniques, even those advocated by the "big" names of Dr. Phil and the Supernanny, that don't stand the test of time!
• "Parenting is experimenting, isn't it really? because nobody actually knows what will happen!" or lack of experience in parenting, because most of us haven't done it before. That's the beauty of the research studies quoted. They show that praising, criticizing, withholding love, withdrawing love, punishment, criticism, etc. don't work!

Quite often in our classes (maybe you're one of them - and that's okay!), parents tell me they don't understand how praise can be detrimental to a child's sense of how they see themselves--their self-esteem. Kohn writes clearly in the article about this connection and the negative long-term impact.

Conditions on love by parents does in fact lead to a child's loss of self-confidence, lack of closeness and caring in the parent-child relationship from the child's perspective. In our courses, you'll learn what ELSE doesn't work and what to REPLACE it with. And, we'll give you practice in class before you try it out at home!

Welcome back this fall to Parenting Network and the courses that support you through each step along the way. With us, you'll turn your good intentions into parenting moments with your kids that WILL stand the test of time - guaranteed!

Fall course registration is in full swing. Course size is limited - so don't delay!

Click on this link to see your course selection for parents of children, preteens, teens, How to Talk to Kids Will Listen, and maintaining a dynamic life partnership during your parenting years:
Parenting Network courses

by Joy Morassutti
Certified Parent Educator

Joy is Parenting Network 's specialist for the up to 10 years 'set' and teaches the "Parenting I - Raising Great Kids" course. Want to raise respectful, responsible, great kids? Parenting Network has helped thousands of parents do just that! This course is the place to start. Joy is also a trained parent coach - making positive and practical parenting solutions come together for you to create the harmony and joy you want to have in your home!