Mom, can you be like you were before?

        We all know how important it is to have special time with each of our children. But time is a funny thing. Often the weeks fly by before we realize the opportunities missed. With March break here, we thought you’d enjoy this heart-warming story about a date between a mom and her 7-year-old son, including a few great lessons for all parents:

Recently, my son and I had an evening date together. The plan was to make banana pancakes, smoothies and have a candlelit dinner for two. All accompanied by my son’s favorite radio station.
I have a tendency to control and this really can come out when I am trying to teach my children to cook - it stops being fun when the teacher gets too focused on the outcome rather than the process. I decided that this night would be different. Mistakes were met with smiles, breakout dance sessions were encouraged, and a tablespoon was used to drop the batter into the pan to make for easier flipping.

We had so much fun! Once the table was set, we lit our candles and sat down to our feast. We laughed and talked, and enjoyed being together. Joyful. This is how you build close relationships with your children.

After dinner it was time to clean up. I began to focus more on the task at hand rather than the time together. As I stood at the sink doing dishes, I reminded my son, in a not-so-nice voice to please clear the table. My son looked at me and asked, “Mom, can you be like you were before? When we were dancing? More smiley?”

This sweet kid, who just had a glimpse of the mom who is so fun and connected, reminded me to be my best. What a courageous boy to be able to ask for what he needs. What a gift for both of us.

I put the dishes down and we had another little breakout dance session. Huge smiles on both of our faces.

This special time business is as much for us as it is for them. It allows parenting to be joyful and loving, provides space for us all to be our best. So moving forward, here is what I plan to take with me:

• Embrace special time. You can’t always control what it looks like, but you can be present, allowing your children to lead you in the direction they want to go. You may be surprised by how fun it is.

• Have more breakout dance sessions. In an article by Steve Brown, MD in Psychology Today, he recognizes that dancing allows for “feelings of bonding, empathy, cooperation, and social identity,” good reasons to find times to boogie.

• Be more “smiley.”  Also in Psychology Today, writer Sarah Stevenson shares that “Each time you smile you throw a little feel-good party in your brain. The act of smiling activates neural messaging that benefits your health and happiness.” And who isn’t down with a feel-good party?

Casey O’Roarty is the owner of Joyful Courage, a company dedicated to training adults to create space for children to be their best selves.

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