Summer is also a time when children push to stay up later. We helped this frazzled mom establish a bedtime routine that’s now working for everyone. It’s also going to make establishing a new routine for the coming school year so much easier.
Parent’s situation...
I’m having
arguments with my kids every night when I try to get them in the house. Bedtime
has become WW III around here. (I even had a Buzz Lightyear action figure flung
across the patio at me last night!) The evenings are bright and many of the
neighbours’ kids are out late, but my children are only 8 and 10 years of age
and still need to get to bed at a reasonable time. HELP!
Our thoughts...
Oh my – Buzz
Lightyear missiles! Let’s see if we can not only prevent the battle from
escalating, but actually restore peace for the remainder of your summer.
As we know, routines
are vital for family harmony and they also teach children great things such as
self-discipline and respect for order. However, a change of seasons usually involves
a change in routines – so flexibility in parenting is also vital. A good focus
whenever we consider rejigging our routine is to look at the needs of the new situation.
What’s different
about summer? Plenty. (some you already suggested)
·
no school to get up
for in the morning (that means time to sleep in!)
·
no homework to do
in the evenings
·
it stays brighter
outside much later
·
the evenings cool
down, making it fun to be outdoors
·
the streets are
full of noise and activity
We all remember the thrill of summer holidays when we were kids. We also probably remember giving our own parents a hard time at bedtime. So to break that pattern and make our own families run smoother, we need to get the children on board and cooperating.
Smart Solutions...
Family Meetings
The great place to
start is with a family meeting – and your children are at a good age to
problem-solve. By the way, you’ll want to do this again when the school year
begins. So book one tonight and follow these 5 simple steps:
1. Calm Time
Present the
issue at a calm time and in a respectful (non-blameful) way:
“We’re having some challenges getting to bed on time
and I’d like your help
in finding a way to make our evenings work better.” Agree on a meeting time that suits everyone.
2. Child’s
Point of View
Start the
meeting off by acknowledging your children’s position first. (It’s important
for them to believe you understand and care about their point of view – whether
you agree with it or not!)
“You’re having fun
outside with the kids on the street and you don’t think it’s fair that you have
to come in soooo early. Is that how you see it?”
Give the
children a chance to elaborate on the injustice of it all and listen without
comment (small sounds like “Mmm” or
phrases like “I see” can be a help!). Then summarize what you’ve heard them
say.
“So you feel that we should relax the rules because it’s
summer and you believe you can handle a later bedtime. Is that correct? Anything
else?” (Always good to give them
another shot at voicing their opinion now that the wheels are in motion.)
3. Parent’s
Point of View
Now it’s
time to share your point of view. It’s probably best to keep this brief since
they’ve heard you rant and rave for days now. Plus, you have their cooperation
for the moment, so don’t screw things up. Get to the heart of how you feel (in
10 words or less):
“I love you too much
to fight every night.” Or, “I want to
end our days on a happy note.”
4. Brainstorm
Time to
brainstorm a better evening routine for the family. Everyone can present ideas
– even crazy ones. At this stage, all ideas are accepted. It’s a good idea to jot
them down. Also, you want to keep the process positive – this isn’t the time to
evaluate or knock ideas.
5. Solutions
Time to sort
through. I suggest the process of elimination – the goal is to agree on a
solution that’s mutually satisfactory. Write down the revised routine and agree
to test it out for a few nights to see if it works for everyone. Make sure you schedule
a time to chat about how it’s going after the few nights. Follow-through is a
key to the success of these sorts of agreements. If it’s working, congratulate
yourselves; if it isn’t, go back to the drawing board.
Ideas in case you get stuck!
·
Change dinner hour
to allow for longer outdoor time (even if for only 2 nights per week)
·
Simplify dinner
meals – try sandwiches with veggies and dip.
·
Place a blanket on
the lawn and have an outdoor picnic (in the winter my family would put the
blanket on the living room floor and picnic – all that was missing were the
ants!)
·
Do story time
earlier in the day (when it’s too hot to be outdoors) to allow more play time
in the evening
·
Instead of a bath,
have the children run through the sprinkler before bed
·
Coordinate outdoor
time with the neighbours
With any luck, some
of these ideas will stop WW III in its tracks. After all, you’ve got better
things to do this summer than ducking Buzz Lightyear! And readers, if you have other useful strategies
to suggest, please share them!
Beverley Cathcart-Ross is
an author, speaker, certified parent educator, and founder of Parenting
Network.Parenting Courses – Our Summer Early Bird Specials are happening now on all of our classes! Click here.
