Family Meetings - An Antidote for Bickering and Annoying Behaviour in the Car - Part 3 (Final word on this!)

OK, the BIG moment has arrived and you wheel the gang out of the driveway.
Here are some tips when the inevitable happens, and things get out of hand!

What the PARENT can do:

• Remain calm - this was bound to happen at some point!
• Let the kids know that you have confidence they know how to be fair, and that they can sort this out
• If you’re getting distracted, pull over at the first available safe location until things have calmed down. (Do this before you get annoyed, and don't use it as a threat)
• Remember, you want your children to resolve the situation – your job is to encourage their independence
• While you are waiting for the kids to sort things out, feel free to stretch your legs, or generally keep yourself completely busy with something other than them!

What the CHILDREN can do:

• Let the other person know, in a calm voice, what it is they want.
• Focus their attention away from the bothersome behaviour.
• Ask a parent for some help (parents can help mediate - DO NOT take sides)
• Engage the person annoying them in an enjoyable activity. (OK, this one is a stretch)

Having personally spent some quality time on the shoulder of various side roads I want you to know it's a great investment. Kids learn that you have limits and they aren't going to pull you into their dramas. Besides no one ever said parenting was convenient!

Happy Travels!!

"Holiday Tips for the Work-from-Home Mom"

I have a great difficulty getting the sleep I need at this time of year. I wake up with too many lists in my head - ugh. So what do I do? I ususally hit my computer to start a few more lists! While I was there I saw this blog from Ali Brown and thought of all the other mompreneurs out there doing the holiday/work/family juggle. If you have to get some work done this holiday season, I hope this helps you create a little order and find ways to enjoy some holiday spirit!

With the kids around more than usual over the holidays, you might be missing quiet time to get solid work done at home. Most moms I know get too busy to properly plan ahead. But, if you get a little creative, you can set your kids up for a fun, memorable vacation and not miss a beat at work.

Streamline your to-do list - Be honest, if the kids are home, you're not going to get as much done as you usually would. There's no reason to beat yourself up and feel like you've fallen behind. Instead, write down the top 3 work items that you MUST get done each day and make sure you accomplish them. That way you can shut down your computer feeling right about your day, and focus on all the wonderful time you get to share with your kids!

Hire holiday help - Remember, K-12 kids aren't the only ones home for the holidays. Most college students have 3 weeks off and are probably going crazy under their parents' roofs themselves. (Don't we all remember those days?) Ask your friends and neighbors if their older children are looking for some extra cash around the holidays to play nanny, so you can still play boss.

Volunteer your kids - During the holidays, soup kitchens and animal shelters are always looking for an extra hand. Appoint an adult chaperone (or two) to take the kids out for a day of kid-friendly volunteer work. (For kid-friendly volunteer opportunities, click here.)Not only will it get your kids off the couch, but it also might get them into the spirit of giving in a life-changing way.

Indulge their hobbies - Whether it's tennis, ballet, reading, or art, sign your kids up for mini-workshops that they can attend during the weekdays. If you can't find a class in the community, then have a bunch of moms pitch in to hire a private teacher and host group classes in your own home (this method works best if you have a basement you can work in ;)). And don't forget there are a ton of talented high school and college-level athletes and artists who would be thrilled to teach a group of kids!

Keep a routine - If there's no way around it and it's just you and the kids, be sure to set some boundaries so their day doesn't invade yours. Instead of letting the kids run wild all day long, try to set a schedule for them so they get a mix of exercise, education and rest time. Plan holiday movie time, holiday project fun time, to give you 1.5-hour blocks of time to knock a few things off your to-do list.

Don’t forget to indulge your own inner child and join your kids in a few fun holiday projects. That’s the beauty of being a “mom”preneur -- you get to decorate gingerbread cookies with your kids in the morning, then work while they giggle to Frosty the Snowman in the background. Could you have a better workday than that?

Happy Holidays!

Self-made entrepreneur and Inc. 500-ranked CEO Ali Brown teaches women around the world how to start and grow profitable businesses that make a positive impact. Get her FREE weekly articles and advice at www.AliBrown.com

Family Meetings – An Antidote for Bickering and Annoying Behaviour in the Car! Part 2

Success with Part 1 of this series??

Well here are some more tips to further enhance the quality of the family discussions you have prior to extended road trips…

Discussion pointers:

1. What needs to be done before we leave?
   Make the list together, and have each family member choose a task. Such as, make the lunch; create the route map; research a hotel to stay at
2. Pre-plan activities for the car journey. What CDs or DVDs should we bring to listen to or watch in the car? Or would it be a better idea to bring personal music/media players?
3. How frequent should stops be? Plan outlets for your high energy child for both in the car and during the stops. Talk over how it feels when your body is ready for a break or a change. This can prevent your children from taking these feelings out on each other.
4. Where should we stop to eat or what should we pack for food and beverages?
5. How to handle the inevitable conflicts between kids in the car. Review the child's options when faced with an annoying sibling - ie. use their words, ignore the behaviour, ask an adult for help. Let them know what you'll do, should they not get along in the car - ie. pull over to the side of the road until things settle down.
6. And the most exciting discussion -What are we going to do when we get there?!

By taking the time to pre-plan and involve family members, there will be fewer surprises and fewer disruptions.

Some supporting thoughts on Family Meetings:

· Parents report these meetings are fabulous ways for them to teach important life skills - such as organization, resourcefulness, negotiating, compromise, etc.
· As families learn how to hold these meetings and practice this regularly, the effort required is greatly reduced!

Part 3 of this series: TIPS on what to do if (when) problems arise in the car…

Family Meetings – An Antidote for Bickering and Other Annoying Behaviour in the Car! Part 1

“I want to sit there…”
“He’s on my side…”
“Mom, tell him to stop!”

Sound familiar??

Family vacations are meant to be relaxing and enjoyable but the car journey can often be anything but! A family meeting can be a great way to ensure a more successful trip.

Sit down together as a family before your next extended car ride and talk about the options available when they find somebody else’s behaviour irritating.

Pointers for a successful Family Meeting:

• Find a calm, friendly time of the day


• Encourage ALL family members to contribute to the discussion.


• Designate a leader (not a boss) – kids can take turns too - to ensure everybody’s opinion is heard.


• The job is done when all family members have agreed on the best approach to handle difficulties (no voting). This may not necessarily happen in one session!


• Congratulate yourselves when you reach an agreement.

It’s a good idea to have a family member record the decisions made for later reference.
There's no guarantee you'll have a more peaceful car ride, but you'll have put a great method to solving family problems in motion.

See Part 2 of this series

5 Family Vacation Survival Tips

5 Family Vacation Survival Tips

The suitcases are packed and stacks of colourful summer clothes clutter the bedroom floor.

Winter is here and you’re heading south in search of sun and sand. Family vacations are a chance to enjoy quality time together but sometimes great times can get ugly.

Here are 5 of my Family Vacation Survival Tips:
1. DELEGATE

For example, you're getting up early for a day at the beach. The night before, write out a list of things that need to be done:

Breakfast cleanup

Prepare picnic lunch

Organize beach toys, towels and sunscreen
Fill water bottles
Load up the car

And then get everyone to pick a job! Many hands lighten the load.

2. PREPLAN

Before arriving at the beach, agree on the deal around:

• Sunscreen and hats


• Water safety rules


• Budget for snacks and activities


• Departure time

Prevention makes for a more harmonious holiday.

3. PACE YOURSELF
Give yourself some private time. It may be as simple as a 30-minute uninterrupted bath.

4. KEEP IT SIMPLE

Have you ever returned from a family vacation needing a vacation to recover? Don’t over plan or over schedule. Everyone will return more rested. And don't forget the deck of cards.
Leave time for spontaneity and down time.

5. CARVE OUT ADULT TIME

Share time alone with your partner.This shows your children that you value and nurture important relationships. They will survive it and learn to respect your right to have it. And they could use a break from you too!

For those travelling, I wish you a happy and safe holiday!

Warmly, Beverley
P.S. For tips on how to plan a vacation with your kids check this blog!

Beverley Cathcart-Ross is an author, speaker, certified parent educator, and co-founder of Parenting Network. Click here for Workshops for Winter 2010/11!

Getting Kids to Listen

“I’m going to write a blog on getting kids to listen” I told my kids.
“What?” My son said.
“I’m going to write...”
“That was a joke, Mom...”

The thing is, kids do listen and they do hear us. But they don’t always do what we ask, which is really the most important part of the listening, as far as we’re concerned.

You only have to say once where the cookies are and bang, they’ve got it. But try to get them out of the bath or into bed or to clean up the toys? Forget it. Kids don’t like to be told what to do any more than we do, which is why ordering them around often doesn’t end well.

To get kids to listen, sometimes all we have to do is a better job of asking. Our tone, our manner, our words, our volume and our timing are all key to increasing cooperation:

• Get down to their level, get their attention, say their name
• Look them in the eye, touch their shoulder
• Wait until they are fully focused, not distracted
• Say it with one word, say please – “Toys now please!”
• Say it calmly and quietly – even if you have to repeat yourself - but only once
• Respect what they are doing, give a transition warning – “Bath time in 5 minutes”
• Ask for their cooperation - “Johnny, I need some help with the toys, ok?”
• Say what you will do -“I’m starting story time, are you ready?”
• Give a small choice – “Do you want to brush your teeth before or after bath?”
• Write a list, or a picture list, with the routine on it – toys, teeth, bath, story, bed, hugs.

Hope their ears perk up!
Doone Estey
For more listening and cooperation tips, please consider one of our parenting courses – satisfaction guaranteed or your money back. www.parentingnetwork.ca