Our Top Picks to Nurture Appreciation & The Spirit of Giving

All children have what it takes to be appreciative, contributing and compassionate – it’s in our DNA. However, incorporating these is something that happens over time.

It starts with the early teaching of manners – such as saying please and thank you. This can graduate into giving them feedback for their thoughtfulness or contributions around the home. ”Thank you for clearing the dishes from the table. Clean up will go faster now!” models appreciation better than, “I am so proud of you for helping.” You want to stroke the deed instead of the child.

While it may seem counter-intuitive, children contributing around the home helps them become much more appreciative of the efforts of others. Let them choose weekly jobs they would like to learn – making a salad, brushing the dog, cleaning a bathroom, emptying a dishwasher.

How to shift the focus from getting to giving

Determine the values you want your children to learn. Decide ahead of time your budget for gift-giving. With so much focus today on being environmentally friendly, it’s a perfect time to discuss the idea of reducing consumption with your children. Make a commitment as a family to leave a smaller footprint on the earth.

Our Top Picks - Here are 12 creative ways parents have shaped a better holiday experience for their families:

1. Instead of making lists of things we want to get, we all sit down at Thanksgiving and make lists of things we want to do together as a family during the holiday season. For example: old movie night, or board games, or cross-country skiing. This also helps instill family traditions (my daughter's list always includes watching “It's a Wonderful Life” and having fondue) and helps to emphasize that what we value most is our time together.


2. We make a special effort to model doing acts of kindness - shoveling a neighbor's walk, inviting a single person to a holiday dinner, or offering the mail carrier a cup of hot chocolate.
3. One idea our family will be trying out this year is called "Advent Angels." Each person in the family draws another person's name. He or she becomes that person's Advent Angel during the Advent Season. The advent angel is to do kind things for his or her person without letting that person know who is doing it. On Christmas Eve we will reveal who is each person’s Advent Angel and the Angel will give that person a homemade gift. 
4. Take the opportunity to have the children go through their toys and books. We all have things that are just like new but we don’t use. Then prepare a "care package" for a needy family.
5. Work at a local soup kitchen/shelter serving a meal during the holiday season, or volunteer at a local hospital or nursing home. 
6. Request that grandparents and others put money into an education fund instead of buying too many toys. Education funds, ideally, can be used to fund Zoo/Museum memberships, sports, music, theatre, other lessons, and summer camps that broaden the horizons of children and youth, but drain family budgets.
7. Even young children can be involved in making cards and small gifts. Get ideas from books in the library or on the internet and use materials found at home. 
8. We decided to say "no" to a lot of the invitations and activities of the season. We selected one adult-only activity for the holidays, and spent the rest of the time doing family activities. 
9. Each of us in the family writes out 10 things we appreciate about each other and read them on Christmas Eve. A great way to teach kids how to express their appreciation for others. 
10. We give our daughter experiences throughout the year. We print gift certificates to “a day of ice skating with two friends” or a “professional manicure”. This way, we don’t overspend, and we have fun things to do with her the entire year! 
11. As a family we always visit our local art museum and go through the “period rooms” which are decorated for Christmas. It gives us an opportunity to talk about how families from different times in history celebrated the holidays.
12. Every year we designate a special “baking day”. The whole family bakes cookies and other holiday treats. I make it a point to bake my mother’s sugar cookie recipe written in her own hand and talk to my children about when I used to do the same with grandma. It is a wonderful generation touchstone. We bake enough that we give 5-6 dozen to the local soup kitchen. 

      Acknowledgements: Tracy Chapell;   Raising Likeable, Responsible, Respectful  Children...

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Doone and I send our heartfelt wishes to all of you for a happy and peaceful Holiday Season, along with our thanks for being a part of our community. 

Warmly,

Beverley and Doone

Do We Put Too Much Emphasis on Children’s Gifts at Holiday Time?

The December holidays are no doubt a time for gift giving, but how much is too much?

By Jennifer Collins

It has always been a priority to make Christmas just as wonderful and magical for my own children as it was for me. To make lots of memories and to spoil them a bit, too. But recently my husband and I have decided to scale back the focus on gifts. We notice the bins of toys the kids neglect, the puzzles that are never put together, the dolls that aren't played with. Our kids have more than they need. More than they want. 

A couple of weeks ago I asked my children if they could remember what gifts they received last Christmas. They could only name one or two. What did they remember most about our family Christmas traditions? My daughter said she loved going to the nursing home and singing to the residents. My son’s memories were about making holiday-themed cookies and wearing Christmas pajamas while reading “Twas the Night Before Christmas” before bed on Christmas Eve. And of course they remembered the shenanigans of our elf “Cole” that stays with us from Thanksgiving to Christmas and reports their actions to Santa each night.

My children remember more about the gifts they've given others than the presents they received themselves—such as the customized pencil-and-crayon vase my daughter gave her first grade teacher and the glittery hand-print ornament my son made for our tree. They've picked out special toys for children their age from the Angel Tree and have dropped coins into the Salvation Army’s red kettle. My children seem to understand intuitively that the true joy of Christmas is connected to the thoughtful and careful process of giving.

This year we are doing Christmas differently. We will give our children fewer things and yet enrich their lives with more of the holiday experiences they remember so well from the past. They will be receiving a few handcrafted gifts from us and some items that they have on their lists— a sword, Lego and pajamas for our four-year-old; craft supplies and books for our eight-year-old. But they won’t be receiving any of the extra “fillers” that always seem to creep in. Our kids seldom have lists that are miles long. We are the ones that over-do it each year. We are the contributors to their overflowing, neglected toy bins.

This Christmas we are also going to spend more time serving others and looking for ways to help out in our community. We will sing Christmas carols in the nursing home again. We will make a pet food donation to the local animal shelter. My daughter also wants to bake cookies for the local police and fire departments. We have one project for each weekend of the month leading up to Christmas. Our new tradition.

Yes, our kids enjoy Santa and stockings, and all the typical holiday fun. But ultimately, for us, Christmas is a religious holiday. And I am thankful that we have put the tradition of giving—not receiving—back at its core.

Jennifer Collins is a mom with a day job and she likes to write about her victories and messes along the way.  This was her contribution to Brain Child - the magazine for thinking moms.

Christmas gift ideas for mom or dad! Still time to receive for Christmas. 

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