Girls and cliques and
bullying are on everyone’s mind these days. While bullying behavior is
not necessarily happening more now than it used to, parents and teachers are
more aware and more willing to discuss it in all kinds of forums, and
rightfully so. Bullying hurts our kids and undermines the social fabric
of our schools and our communities.
How do you help your preteen/teen
avoid engaging in bullying behavior or malicious gossip? As adults, are
we contributing to the problem?
1. Bullying is a learned behavior, a response to a child’s
perception of themselves and the world around them. Bullying and mean
girl gossip have their roots in how a child is treated in his or her
life.
Whether at home - and that means us,
along with brothers and sisters - or at school – and that means teachers,
coaches and friends - everybody who has input into a preteen’s day has the
potential to cause hurt. This hurt, in turn, can lead to vengeful, cruel
behavior.
2. Everybody wants to fit in, and to belong. Many preteen/teens want
to be accepted by the cool kids, to be popular and have high social status. Impressing
others and competing for status is a full time task for insecure kids and it’s
often achieved in dysfunctional ways.
They go after a more vulnerable kid
to make themselves feel superior. A teen who is bullying often comes
across as confident and in control, but underneath there can be a lot of self-doubt
and suffering. Sometimes simply providing these teens with a positive
leadership role will help them get their connection and worthiness in a useful
and contributing way.
3. It is up to us as parents and teachers to build our teens’
awareness of behaviors that can be hurtful to others. Help them see how
much power they actually have when they make hurtful comments or mean remarks,
even in jest. When dealing with bullying behavior it’s vital to have our
teens’ cooperation to work on solutions together.
To do this, we need to show we care
and earn their trust. Only then can we have an influence over their behavior
and help establish more empathy for others – a key to turning the situation
around.
For more information on how to have a better relationship with your teen, see our courses:
Preteen/Teens
For more information on how to have a better relationship with your teen, see our courses:
Preteen/Teens
